Showing posts from August, 2012

Personalities: Do You Know Someone Who Always Likes to be in Charge?

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH
Dominating Dan storms in the house after a long day of dealing with completely incompetent people and is more frustrated than ever that Human Resources will not let him fire his entire staff.Not only is his staff incapable of keeping a deadline but he has to tell them what to do every step of the way.“Why can’t they think for themselves?” he mutters, “Life would be so much easier if everyone did what they were told when they were told to do it.”Dan looks around the house seeing the kids playing with unfinished homework still on the dining room table and explodes.He yells for the kids to stop having fun and get back to work so they don’t grow up to be as incompetent as his employees.As usual nothing is finished on his timetable as he has previously instructed and everything is always late.If only the world had more disciplined and motivated people like him then everything would be fine and the world would not be in such chaos.
Sound familiar?If so, then your som…

Personalities: Do You Know Someone Who Lives for Perfectionism?

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH
Perfect Pete comes home after analyzing the best route to get there the fastest during rush hour traffic.He is disappointed that no one notices he saved two minutes by taking a new route and can’t believe the lack of attention to detail by his family.After all, there is the right way to come home which takes the least amount of time and then there are the several wrong ways to come home which take more time.And he has found the best.“Why can’t they appreciate the difference between the right way and the wrong way?” he mutters, “Life would be so much easier if everyone did everything the right way.”Not only does he have to work with people who don’t care about quality, but now he has to live with them as well.It is enough to send him in a sour mood as once again he is alone in his rightness.He spends the rest of the evening barely talking to his family because not only did they not realize he was home early, when he finally told them about it they were totally …

Personalities: Do You Know Someone Who is the Life of the Party?

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH
Party Patty bounces home excited about another day being around people even if she was just at work.So what if all of her work did not get done today, it can wait till tomorrow.So what if she didn’t make her sales quota that will happen next month.The most important thing is that she hosted the best 50th birthday party for her friend at work.“Why can’t we all have some fun at work?” she questions, “Life would be so much better if everyone just took time out of the day to enjoy it and have a little fun.”Patty hears her smallest child banging on the clean pots and pans which have been removed from the cabinet and sits down next to her to make some “music” along with her.Dinner is late as usual but who cares, life is too short to live by a deadline and there is always a frozen pizza that can be heated up.Looking around the house, there are several started but unfinished projects on the already messy kitchen table but what’s the big deal, there is always tomorrow.…

Personalities: Do You Know Someone who is Super Sensitive?

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH
Sensitive Suzie comes home sulking desperately wanting to head straight for her room after a long day of managing everyone else’s problems.She is exhausted from all of the confrontation and just wants to escape to her own little cocoon but knows that her family needs her so she puts off her alone time till later.“Why can’t everyone just get along?” she says, “Life would be so much simpler if everyone just worked together instead of fighting all the time.”But the distraction of her family manages to put a smile on her face and soon she decides that she really doesn’t need the alone time after all, just a few hugs and kisses from her kids do the trick.However the frustration builds inside and while Suzie ignores it, the kids begin fighting over the last piece of garlic bread.Before long she finds herself exploding over the garlic bread while her family looks at this unknown person who never seems to get upset over anything.Knowing she has disappointed her family…

Why Do I Keep Picking the Wrong People?

Brian M Murray, IMH

When meeting a person for the first time everything is exciting and brand new. It can seem like the feeling of true love is in the air. It is as if “Ah, finally, I have met the one true person in my life and this is it, the one who will make all the difference.” Let the counting begin how many times this has happened time and time again. Interesting, there appears to be a pattern developing.

The new person is exciting to be around, lots of fun and gives us something to look forward to. In the story Bambi I believe the word was “Twitter-pated.” Human beings are social creatures and we enjoy spending time with others especially when it is romantic and new. But what happens when that love feeling in the beginning begins to turn into a scene like the Bad News Bears? The players take the field in nice uniforms and suddenly the scene changes to one of disruption, deception and dirty tricks. The person appears to fit all of the qualities we look for in a person, or do th…

Family of Five with Five Different Love Languages

By Chris Hammond, IMH, MS
“Love never gives up.Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always ‘me first,’ doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end,” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, The Message.
Whoever said it is easy to show love is dead wrong.While you may feel loved when someone spends time with you another person doesn’t feel loved unless you tell them.It is easy for you to show love in your love language because it comes so naturally but trying to show love in another person’s love language and you are likely to feel fake.Gary Chapman in his book, “The Five Love Languages” outlines the difference between each langu…

Storms & Anxiety

By: Brian M. Murray, IMH
Anxiety is a very common part of everyday life. This time of year in Florida approaching hurricanes can cause a lot of anxiety. It would appear that some people handle it in different ways by celebrating all the way down to being down right scared and hunkered down. So what is this all about? How come some people are very afraid and others are not?
Some underlying factors are at play and very legitimate. If a person has ever been exposed to a natural disaster and witnessed or experienced what is perceived as a life threatening situation, then they have good reason to feel anxiety during an approaching storm. These survivors can be experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder commonly known as PTSD. Now, some anxiety before a storm is a pretty typical response. However, if the anxiety reaches a point where a person begins to recall memories of past traumatic events into the present one then it can warrant taking a better look at what is going on.
There are some…

A Letter from a Child to Her Parents During Divorce

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH
Dear Mommy and Daddy,
Yesterday I just stood there as you fought over my baby sister.Mommy had both her arms and Daddy had both her legs.I thought my baby sister would break in half but she just cried cause she is only one years old.I felt so bad that I didn’t stop you from fighting over her, it is all my fault.Maybe if I was better then you won’t fight so much.
Daddy, you say mean things to me and Mommy.You say my mommy tells lies about you.But she is nice to me and takes care of me and my sister.She listens to me when I cry and tries to make me feel better.She tells me that you are mean and if you were nice then she would not have to be mean.Daddy, please be nice to Mommy so she can be nice to you.
Daddy, I have fun when we are together doing stuff.You take me places I like to go.But Mommy tells me I don’t have to go with you if I don’t want.She told me that we can do something special if I don’t go with you.I like her treats too so I get confused about where t…

Finding Freedom in Yes to No and Vice Versa

By: Brian Murray, IMH
“I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.” ― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series

1 Corinthians 10:29
I am referring to the other person’s conscience, not yours. For why is my freedom being judged by another’s conscience?
How many times have you heard a young child when asked or told to do something respond with a rebellious "NO." Okay, lets take it to the next level, how many times have teenagers been asked or told to do something and they responded with a rebellious "NO." Okay, lets try this one more time, how many times has a grownup been asked or told to do something and they responded with a  boisterous "NO." Ironically these 3 answers have…

5 Tips for Parenting Adolescents: Part 2

By: Matt Sandford, LMHC

In part 1, we looked at the influence of stress on our parenting and some ways to relieve and manage it. Here is tip number 2.

2.Examine how you handle negativity
·Here’s a shocking statement: adolescents can be negative sometimes. And dramatic. Or they could demonstrate this by going the other way and withdrawing. And when this happens, what do you usually do? Do you turn negative yourself, getting on their case about their negativity? How does that usually turn out?! Or do you throw up your hands internally and withdraw or avoid them? Most of us have a hard time being around negative people. They drag us down over time, and they resist being cheered up or redirected. So, what are some healthier options?
·First, go back to point one and address your self care and your stress level, so that you can be more present for the person you would like to help and invest in. After all, working with anyone just so you can feel better is a recipe for resentment and increased …

Out of Trouble Comes Wisdom Through Moving Yet Again

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH
Yet another box to unpack and more stuff to decide where it belongs.The never ending stream of things both necessary and unnecessary seems to procreate overnight and grow into this insurmountable pile of stuff.Moving is physically exhausting as things never seem to land where they belong and more things are misplaced or displaced then organized.No matter the house size whether bigger or smaller than before, nothing seems to work out just as planned.Then of course there is the list of things that need to be done such as checking on the AC unit before the heat of the summer sets in or the heater before the cold becomes unbearable.It really does not matter if the place you are moving into is old or new (trust me, new things break as easily as old), in good shape or poor shape, or near or far from where you came.The process is tiring nonetheless and exhaustion quickly turns into an overwhelming feeling of “What have I done?”
But logic prevails and the reasons for t…