Personalities: Do You Know Someone Who Always Likes to be in Charge?
By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH
Dominating Dan storms in the house after a long day of
dealing with completely incompetent people and is more frustrated than ever
that Human Resources will not let him fire his entire staff. Not only is his staff incapable of keeping a
deadline but he has to tell them what to do every step of the way. “Why can’t they think for themselves?” he
mutters, “Life would be so much easier if everyone did what they were told when
they were told to do it.” Dan looks
around the house seeing the kids playing with unfinished homework still on the
dining room table and explodes. He yells
for the kids to stop having fun and get back to work so they don’t grow up to
be as incompetent as his employees. As
usual nothing is finished on his timetable as he has previously instructed and
everything is always late. If only the
world had more disciplined and motivated people like him then everything would
be fine and the world would not be in such chaos.
Sound familiar? If so, then your someone is a “D” in the DISC
personality profile which is “Dominating”.
Their motto in life is to “Get it done now”, for them completing a task
on time is the most important element.
Competition is their best friend as there is no need to push them to
complete a task, just the mention of someone else accomplishing a task is
enough to propel them into action to out-perform everyone else in their path. They are self-motivated, determined, driven,
goal-oriented over-achievers. If you say
something can’t be done, just watch them prove you wrong. They get energy from knowing they have
out-done their friends, spouses, children, co-workers, pastors, parents, and
anyone else in their life. But be
warned, they are not afraid to step on your back to get where they want to be
or to throw you under the bus if in the end it helps them. For them, the ends do justify the means and
life would be so much better if everyone was just like them.
As a Spouse. Expect them to insist on winning every
argument and wanting to be control of all aspects of your life. They want to know who, what, where, why, and
when not because they care about the details but because they like the
control. Sometimes it will feel like you
are the child and they are the adult and when that happens, they have you
exactly where they want you. Since they
are focused and driven, they are likely to delegate relational issues but want
to maintain overall control over everything else including the kid’s schedule. They can smell a false sense of control a
mile away, so faking that they are in control will not work but will back-fire
instead. Since they need to be in charge
of something at home, let them have their area of choice just don’t make it
relational in nature.
As a Friend. If you ask them for advice, not only do they
willingly give it to you but they tell you all about how they have done it
better in the past. If you take their
advice, you are their new best friend but if you reject their advice, you
better have your armor on because they are coming after you with a
vengeance. Because they like to take the
lead on things, as long as they are directing the friendship things will be just
fine but if you try to direct the friendship they will drop you like a hot
potato and accuse you of being a fake friend.
As a Co-Worker. They don’t play nice with other children, so
at work, they are the least likely to get along with others. They do much better in leadership positions
so they naturally take the lead on nearly every project even if they are not
the expert. But if you try to lead
instead of them, you will be met with such sharp criticism that you will never
try it again. Let them take the lead and
follow their lead because even if it is the wrong direction, they will protect
you. But if you confront them, you are
left without any protection and are more likely to become the object of their
next target.
As a Child. Again, they don’t play nice with other
children so they are usually the ones ordering everyone else around. They have a natural knack for finding the
flaw in everyone else but if you point out their flaw you will be met with a
harsh rebuke or a temper tantrum. Since
they are task-oriented, they are likely to excel in school as the idea of doing
better than their siblings or classmates motivates them beyond their natural
talents. This strong determination is
well-praised in school so it reinforces the behavior driving the child to
achieve more, be better and be stronger but it carries with it the price of
isolation from peers as other child do not enjoy being on the losing end of an
unknown competition.
More than likely you have already identified a boss or entrepreneur
who fits this description to a tee as these positions seem to suite them
well. They are hard-workers and expect
others to work as hard as they do all the time.
The biggest problem is that they work too hard and alienate themselves
from others in the process. The stress
of their profession and the need to achieve can be a deadly combination as they
are likely to have stress related health issues as well. So the next time you encounter a Dominating
Dan, remember that there is a price to pay for all the success and choose to show
them compassion instead of jealousy.
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"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"
About the author- Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.
"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"
About the author- Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.