Showing posts from October, 2008

When Kids Carry their Parent's Pain

The warning signs of children facing complex family crisis

By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach

A dad loses a job. A family spits up through divorce. A grandparent dies. A drunk driver crashes into a mini-van and a mom is left in a coma. A natural disaster or foreclosure forces a family into the sad situation of having to leave a neighborhood and home behind.

There are dozens of complex situations that affect families every day, yet often the emotional pain lasts for years in the hearts and minds of the kids who go through tough times. When children are exposed to high levels of stress they can struggle in four primary areas which reflect their parent’s pain. Think of the four points of a compass and you can gain a sense of how kids carry their parent’s pain- over-perform, under-perform, blowing up or blowing in. Here’s a quick over-view of these four primary factors to help you identify the warning signs and symptoms, as well as to know when to reach…

The Samson Syndrome

Why Strong Men Fall into Lustful Addictions

By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor

Sarah woke up from a deep sleep at 3 AM and realized that her husband wasn’t in bed, so she got up to see if he was okay. She was not prepared for what she saw next. Her husband of 27 years, who she respected as a godly man, was sitting in front of their home computer in some sort of “trance” while looking at the most sexually graphic pictures she had ever seen. “Mark,” she shouted! “What are you doing?” Mark was shocked to see her, but then looked up into the confused eyes of his wife and sobbed out, “I don’t know.”

Sadly this sort of scene is played out every single day in Christian homes across the country. Research shows there are over 1,000 “adult” (pornographic) sites added to the internet every week, which are readily available to anyone surfing the web looking for a quick sexual thrill. Sexual addiction is a huge problem in Christian circles. The Christian Men’s group ‘Promise Keepers’ took…

Hot Monogomy

When The Sizzle Turns To A Fizzle

John Wagner
Certified Advanced Imago Relationship Coach

Couples are struggling so much in the area of healthy sexuality. You probably do not know that we are struggling with a sexless epidemic in marriages in America. Couples come to me in so much pain and confusion over this very complex subject and don’t realize it is a common problem. All they know is the sizzle has turned to a fizzle.

There are two basic reasons for a sexual desire discrepancy in a relationship where one in the relationship has a low libido or low sexual desire. One is physiological and the other is psychological. Which one is causing the dilemma is complex and complicated.

A couple arrived at my office years ago with a common problem. This couple had a 12 month old and a 4 year old. The husband was starved for physical affection and had been since their first baby was born. The wife was getting just about as much physical contact as she could stand with nursing the new born …

How to build your influence through community speaking

By Dwight Bain

One of the fastest ways to become established as a regional expert is through the process of offering community workshops and seminars. After speaking to hundreds of these type of groups through the years I've made some wonderful friends, as well as experienced some remarkable opportunities by volunteering time to add value to others. Yes, I said volunteer, since you don’t get paid in dollars to give a community speech, but you can be well paid in other ways. How? Through influence, network, multiple referrals into your business, opportunities to give full fee presentations to other groups and wider media exposure, especially on the Internet.

Still, there’s another huge benefit to you- free advertising. Consider how much you would be willing to pay in advertising dollars to be featured as an expert in front of a group of key decision makers, successful business people or community leaders? I suspect a lot because of the incredible return on investment of being in fron…

Warning Signs of Dangerous Stress Exposure

Below are the warning signs and symptoms that become noticeable in an individual who has been negatively impacted by dangerous levels of psychological stress. This is most commonly seen after they experience a high stress situation at work, in their personal life, or after intensified or concentrated exposure to high conflict, elevated tension or repetitive and stressful situations, which could include media overload from viewing crisis events.

Shortness of breath
Loss or increase of appetite
Nausea or Diarrhea
Elevated blood pressure
Tightness in chest or chest pain
Muscle fatigue or weakness
Insomnia or Hyper-somnia
Increased cold or flu symptoms
Heart Palpitations
Shallow breathing
Abdominal pain

Numb inside

Rapid speech
Tense muscles/neck
Easily startled or jumpy

Facing Financial Fears with Faith

By: W.R. Stephens, written after the stock market crash of October 1987

Through the 200 years of American history, this country has been constantly besieged by bad news. If the early settlers had believed things were as bad as they sounded they would have given up the fight to settle the new world and sailed back to England, and the dream of freedom would have perished.

From that day to the present the people of this nation have listened to the bad news for a while, then they turned their backs on that which was bad, placed their faith in God and faced toward that which was good.

Down through the years, through a tragic Civil War, two worldwide wars, a series of small conflicts, recession and the great depression of the 1930’s, we have heard again and again the words of citizen Tom Paine, “ These are times that try men’s souls.” In every case the people rejected the bad news and overcame whatever obstacle was facing them at that time.

Once again, we are put to the test. Everything we hea…

Business Tips for Living and Selling in Tough Times

By Eric Albertson, Corporate Coach

Most people will keep their jobs, most people will keep their homes, and most people will have worried for absolutely nothing, during these economic times. Even during the great depression, a huge number of people came through it just fine.

Will it be me?
Life is certainly unpredictable. It can be better or worse than you expect. How can you know? My method is simply to take stock of what is true in my life, and in my clients' lives, by writing out as many of the objective facts as I can. Try not to put a spin on it; neither to the positive nor the negative. As Nike says, "Just Do It."

Given history
This is a powerful concept: Given history, things are as they should be. You got where you are through your action, inaction, choices, and your intersection with life's uncertainties. After taking stock of your situation, you might be relieved, or deeply concerned. The key is to know and be honest about your current situation; save th…

10 Ways to Stay a Good Parent during a Bad Time

Deedra B. Hunter, M.S., LMHC

Getting a divorce is a hard decision and creates a tremendous amount of stress for everyone involved especially your children. Here are 10 tips to help you maintain a loving relationship with them at this time.

1. Tell you children in age appropriate language the divorce is about you and your spouse not about them.

2. Reassure your children that the love that you and your spouse have for them can never and will never go away.

3. Never turn your children into “little friends” using them to take care of your needs and emotions during the divorce.

4. Never tell your oldest male child he is now “the man in the family” and never tell your oldest female child she is now the “little mother” in the family.

5. Never make your children feel they must choose between you and your spouse.

6. Encourage the children to spend time and call the non-residential parent.

7. Never ever tell the children terrible things about your former spouse.

8. Tell your children thi…

Are you really ready for Divorce?

The 8 Questions you need to ask
By Bruce Derman, PhD & Wendy Gregson, LMFT

Your marriage is in question and you're facing a real dilemma. You may be the one who is deciding should you stay or should you go.

"I feel like I need to get a divorce and end this so called marriage. Yet how can I be sure? Some days I feel more confident of my decision than others. A part of me still loves him or at least I care for him. I don't think I am in love with him, but what if I make a mistake. A lot of people will be affected by what I decide. Maybe I should not rush ahead with this. That's amusing since I have been thinking about it for three years. This whole thing wouldn't even be an issue and I could forget about this divorce, if he would just change his behavior."

Or you may be the one who has just heard that your spouse wants a divorce.
"Divorce? Where did that come from? Two weeks ago we were talking about a vacation in the mountains. I had no idea our marriage w…

Frozen by the Fear of Wrong Decisions

A coaching process to guide you toward greater results

by Dwight Bain, Certified Life Coach & Nationally Certified Counselor

One of my favorite sayings to share with people facing a major decision is "you always have options." Yet in challenging times people are often so frozen by fear from making a wrong decision that they don't make a decision at all and life passes them by. Think of how many events in life are complicated or missed completely because of the roadblock of being afraid to fail by making a decision and then making that decision work...

-Marriages that didn't happen because of a shy guy with cold feet
-Promotions that never occurred because of the fear of asking for it
-Scholarships left on a table somewhere because someone was afraid to fill out the paperwork
-Trips to exotic places that were always talked about, but never taken because no one sat down to schedule it
-Relationships that failed because someone didn't decide to work on issues an…


Leadership insights from Dr. John C. Maxwell

Inability to make decisions is one of the principal reasons executives fail. Deficiency in decision-making ranks much higher than lack of specific knowledge or technical know-how as an indicator of leadership failure.Successful people make the right decisions early and manage them daily. In this edition of Leadership Wired, we’ll break down those components by exploring the criteria for making solid decisions and by reinforcing the need to properly manage them day by

Making Good Decisions:
As a leader, multiple decisions swirl around you and each clamors for time and attention. The first step in successful decision-making is to prioritize the many decisions in front of you. Give yourself time to brainstorm and make a list of each decision you presently face. When you have identified an exhaustive list of decisions, take the following steps to separate the big decisions from the minor ones

Compare Payoff:
Ask yourself, “Which decisions on you…