The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

By: Brian Murray, LMHC, NCC Codependency is a word that was born out of the addiction field of therapy. It’s a description that is used for a person who is involved with a person who has substance abuse problems. The codependent has an addiction as well. They are addicted to love. There are many traits and characteristics of a codependent that can be sub-categorized under the big 3 discussed here. These are the fixer, the controller and the apathetic. In addiction they may also be accused of being an enabler or a rescuer. Codependents provide resources to the addicted person hoping they will get love in return. And hope is the key word, they hold out for the hope of getting love if they just prove how wonderful they are to the addicted person. This creates a double bind in the relationship, henceforth, the codependent and the dependent. Usually it takes years before the codependent realizes they will never get the love they seek. Or, the codependent notices a behavioral reinforceme...

By: Brian Murray, LMHC, NCC Going to marriage counseling isn’t always easy. Sometimes clients can leave counseling after a couple of sessions with more questions than they walked in with. Before counseling it is common for one or both partners to question whether the problem is me, my spouse or some other dynamic that is causing issues. Some problems are clear cut such as cheating or addictions, however, sometimes the problem is due to personality and interactions.   What most couples do not recognize is that the problem is usually both of them. They are failing to realize that the main client in couples counseling is the relationship itself. Every person has their own “stuff” and it’s up to each person to handle their stuff. If you own it, then you are challenged to take responsibility for it. The same goes for your relationship. Going to counseling is the first step of taking responsibility for your marriage. However, the counselor’s office is not the place to start blaming the...

 By: Brian Murray, LMHC, NCC Couples go to relationship or marriage counseling to resolve problems to improve their relationship with each other. A host of problems can arise during a marriage anywhere from poor communication to infidelity. Marriage and a committed relationship require dedication and at times can be hard work for the relationship to feel good. However, sometimes relationships can be painful leading to a sense of dissatisfaction. Counseling can be helpful for clients who are facing divorce. But helpful does not always equal success. If the counseling office is the last-ditch effort to save the marriage, then counseling can feel like it’s already at a loss before it even begins. This can put a lot of pressure on the counselor who is faced with a difficult position to help save a failing marriage. If counseling does not work, then it’s divorce.    Couples who went to counseling on the way to divorce court frequently feel like counseling was a failu...

By: Brian Murray, LMHC, NCC A codependent is a person who has an unhealthy relational attachment to another person. It is also referred to as relationship or love addiction. Codependency was born out of the addiction field as someone who is an enabler of an addicted person. They get this way as they believe there is something they fix, rescue or control that will translate into the love they so desperately seek. The addicted person takes advantage of this need by using the codependent as a resource. This “resourcing” is provided in many forms such as food, housing, and money just to name a few. The term codependent has since morphed into identifying anyone who remains involved in an unhealthy relationship. This unhealthy attachment is due to some underlying fear that they will lose love or ultimately be alone. Once these feelings materialize, the codependent begins to do things to control relational outcomes. Codependency is a learned behavior that typically stems from childhood ...