8 Positive Ways to Balance Responsibility and Communication in Your Relationship

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By: Brian Murray, LMHC, NCC

 


Relationships are dynamically complex. Many of the issues people experience within them are unknowingly interrelated. In other words, both partners do not realize that they are doing the exact same thing to each other. They spend hours in counseling trying to deconstruct these conflicts only to realize that the problems are mutual with no real solutions. Feeling discouraged and hopeless, the couple will begin to question if the relationship will survive, leading to an impasse in counseling with no outcomes. 

To overcome this impasse, the focus and direction in the relationship must change to reconcile their differences. A problem-focused counseling session is based on past behavior. A change in direction becomes focused on future behavior. By focusing on the future, fairness in the relationship is introduced leading to a level playing field. From here, the couple can now operate on equal terms.

Equality eliminates a host of problems such as ego defenses, power plays, and control plays. This is imperative for the conflict to stop! Being respectful to each other in daily actions is important as each partner feels the freedom to come and go without restrictions. At this point, new relationship habits will need to be cultivated as they are very important to the success of the relationship.

As mentioned before, problem-focused counseling is based on past behavior. Present and future focus is needed as a preemptive relationship management strategy to ward off any future negative experiences.

So how does this happen? Listed below are eight habits that can help turn a problem-focused mindset into active choices. Active choices are future-focused. By choosing these behaviors you and your partner become self-empowered by actively practicing having a happy, mutually satisfying relationship. 

1.     Non-Abusive Behavior: Both can talk and act in ways that the other feels supported and encouraged to be able to express their opinion and make their own decisions. “Yes” and “no” statements are respected by each person. 

 

2.   Trust and Support: Both encourage each other’s goals in life, acknowledge strengths, talents, and gifts. They value the opinions and feelings of the other even when they’re different from their own. They listen without judgment and respect each other's privacy when they need it.

 

3.   Negotiation and Fairness: Each person in the relationship has equal decision-making power and is willing to compromise with each other. Rules and agreements are made together and apply equally to both. 

 

4.   Relationships with Others: Family relationships, club organizations, religion, hobbies, sports, activities, and friendships outside of the marriage are enjoyable and each can be trusted to make their own decisions about where they go and what they do.

 

5.    Honesty and Accountability: Each person accepts responsibility for their own actions. They acknowledge mistakes and admit wrongdoing. Each feels free to communicate openly and are truthful to each other without judgment or punishment from the other.

 

6.   Financial Independent/Interdependent: Each partner feels free to control their own money or have equal control of combined money and assets. Money is not used to control the other person.

 

7.    Sexual Safety: Each person can say “no” to any sexual behavior they are not comfortable with. They honor and respect each other’s sexual decisions and communicate about sexual preferences without judgment or criticism.

 

8.   Responsible Parenting: Each partner communicates to make responsible decisions regarding how they are going to share caretaking of their children so that the children are raised in a safe and non-violent way. This may also apply to decision making for caring of elderly parents.

Tools provided in counseling are not tough and fast. Remember, relationships are complex and too often a list like these eight habits can create some difficulty adjusting. If you and your partner are struggling with making this work, then perhaps counseling is best as a counselor can provide mediation for negotiating your differences. 

 

  To schedule an appointment with Brian Murray,
Please call our office at 407-647-7005.
www.lifeworksgroup.org

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