The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

  By: Brian Murray, LMHC, NCC One of the hallmarks of a great marriage or relationship is being involved with a person who values the other person’s feelings in a respectful and caring way. Validation in a relationship is a good indicator of a relationship health check. It is the ability to communicate reciprocating thoughts and feelings that indicate they are there for each other. Healthy people relationally do not criticize, demand or belittle the other person for expressing their feelings, needs and wants. Whether intentional or not, being critical or belittling the other person can send signals that what is being expressed implies the other is wrong, or somehow it makes them a bad person. Invalidation is negative behavior that can, and often turns the overall mood of the relationship sour. The initial gut response to negativity is usually anger followed by resentment. The anger and resentment are the result of feeling the pain of the invalidating comment. Emotional suppor...

By: Brian Murray, LMHC, NCC   Relationships are dynamically complex. Many of the issues people experience within them are unknowingly interrelated. In other words, both partners do not realize that they are doing the exact same thing to each other. They spend hours in counseling trying to deconstruct these conflicts only to realize that the problems are mutual with no real solutions. Feeling discouraged and hopeless, the couple will begin to question if the relationship will survive, leading to an impasse in counseling with no outcomes.   To overcome this impasse, the focus and direction in the relationship must change to reconcile their differences. A problem-focused counseling session is based on past behavior. A change in direction becomes focused on future behavior. By focusing on the future, fairness in the relationship is introduced leading to a level playing field. From here, the couple can now operate on equal terms. Equality eliminates a host of problems s...