How to Disrespect Your Husband
By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH
No, I am not a man-hater and this article is not meant to be
taken seriously. Rather it is written
tongue-in-cheek to demonstrate the obvious and not so obvious ways a wife can
show disrespect to her husband. Sometimes
the best way of understanding something is to begin with what it isn’t. While this can be a roundabout way of
addressing a subject, it can also establish some necessary boundaries from
which to form a better understanding.
With that in mind, here are a few suggestions for
demonstrating disrespect the next time you are alone or out with your husband. You can do this over dinner, in front of his
friends, better yet your friends, and best yet in front of family. Make sure you temper your comments with
sarcasm, mockery or cynicism to add an extra dose of disrespect.
·
His work – Try making a joke about what
he does for a living, where he works, or how much he earns. This can be even more disrespecting if you
add a comment or two about how great your career is going or how much more
successful your dad was in his line of work.
After all, most men get some satisfaction from what they do as a
profession even if they don’t enjoy it because they are providing for their
family. So attacking their work is one
of the easiest targets for disrespect.
·
His dreams – Take one of his future
aspirations or a desire to become something and then tell him how stupid it is
and how he can never accomplish it.
Better yet, don’t even discuss it with him, just roll your eyes and talk
behind his back especially to someone who is likely to tell him about your
remarks. It most likely took a lot of
trust to tell you about his dreams in the first place so ridiculing even one
dream drives the disrespect right to the heart.
·
His sexuality – It really does not matter
how frequently he wants sex because if he wants it too much: harass him, too
little: tell him he is inadequate. While
you are at it, joke about what he likes sexually and overexpose him to others
around you. No matter what he says about
sex, most men fear that they are not performing well enough sexually for their
spouse so attacking this area is very personal.
·
His worship – One of the easiest places
to show disrespect to your husband is in how he worships in church. Make sure you poke him when the pastor is preaching,
compare him to other men in church or demonstrate how much more you know about
spirituality than him. If he goes to
church, he has been told that he is the spiritual leader of the family so under
minding him and taking over the leadership role becomes disrespectful.
·
His leisure activities – Whatever he
likes to do for fun can be a target for ridicule, especially if it involves a
sport of sorts and requires that money be spent for him to have fun. If there are other men involved then this is
an even better opportunity to not only make fun of him but his other teammates,
especially if you can tag team with another spouse. As any self-respecting spouse knows, the
money he earns and extra time he has should go to the family and not towards
doing something he enjoys.
·
His appearance – Insecurities regarding receding
hairlines, pot-bellies, changing body, and outdated clothing should be exposed
and highlighted just to make sure that he fully aware of his inadequacies. Some men age quite well, so make sure that
you compare your husband to other men who are aging better than him. While he has been repeatedly told that you
don’t like him to comment on your flaws, his are open game.
·
His moods
– Since most men are raised to be strong and take things on the cheek, any sign
of weakness, moodiness, depression, or anxiety should be the talk around the
dinner table especially with a few of your not so close friends. By highlighting any mood swings you can
literally cut him off at the knees and cripple him for the rest of the
evening. It is a moment of disrespect
that will be noticed by everyone in the room.
·
His
morality – Another opportunity for disrespect is to exaggerate the number
of times your husband has made immortal or embarrassing decisions. Of particular interest are any past times of
infidelity, hospitalization, use of pornography, drunkenness, or drug use just
to name a few suggestions. However, if
there are few of these events in his past, making up a couple to add some
interest to a conversation by putting him down can be very disrespectful.
·
His
decisions – Most wives have this area down to a science as nearly every
decision their husbands make can be questioned.
Eve taught us this well as just before she ate fruit from the tree she
mistrusted her husband by not agreeing that God had told Adam not to eat the
fruit. Wives can do this in many little
ways such as questioning his driving, asking and re-asking the same question,
questioning the tie he picks or what he decides to eat. All of this can be disrespectful.
·
His
authority – If you are blessed to work with your spouse at work, on a
project or part of a charity, then you have an excellent opportunity to attack
his authority. Just make sure that you
do it in front of others adding some sort of intimate touch or glance to
maximize the insult. Minimizing his
authority thereby increases yours and creates a natural disrespect with your
viewing audience. This is especially powerful
if your husband is in an influential position.
·
His
reputation – Gossiping about your spouse especially in a negative manner is
highly effective form of disrespect.
Everyone loves gossip and it can spread like wild fire to all kinds of
people destroying a reputation that has taken years to develop in a matter of
minutes. The best people to receive your
gossip are the ones who already gossiping about others, after all they are the
pros at disrespect.
·
His
children – When all is said and done, even if you fail to disrespect your
husband in any of the above ways, the easiest and perhaps most sneaky way to be
disrespectful is to talk bad about your husband in front of his children. They could be your children or his by another
woman, no matter which one, the impact can be destructive beyond
comparison. By disrespecting your
husband, you are modeling behavior for his daughters to imitate and his sons to
repeat. If you can paint your husband in
a bad light to his children, then you have truly passed on an inheritance that
can last beyond your generation. It is
the gift of disrespect that can keep giving.
By the way, if you find that you have mastered just a few of
these areas, just know that you are not alone.
Over half of all marriages end in divorce and yours is likely to be
headed in that direction. Many divorced
women in my office have long mastered this list with their ex-husbands and some
are working on marriage number two or three or even four. If this scares you, good. Now go over the list again, admit what you
have done wrong, ask for forgiveness, and decide to be the model of respect
instead of disrespect.
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"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2011), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"
About the author- Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.
"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2011), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"
About the author- Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.