The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

By: Christine Hammond LMHC Remember when then President Bill Clinton defended his improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky by saying, “it depends on what your definition of ‘is’ is”? That classic line sounds almost ridiculous as there is only one meaning to the word is. It stands to reason that other simple words such as ‘yes’ and ‘no’ would likewise have only one meaning. However, to some people, ‘no’ does not mean no. A teenager hears the word ‘no’ after asking to borrow the car. Instead of accepting the response, the teen insists that the world is coming to an end if they cannot meet their friends later that night. A spouse hears the word ‘no’ after asking to have sex with their partner. Rather than respecting the response, there is constant trying, begging, manipulation, and finally coercion. A boss hears the word ‘no’ after asking their employee to stay late one night without any additional pay. As the employee goes to leave, the boss threatens to hire s...

By: Dwight Bain, LMHC The #AshleyMadisonHack, #JoshDuggar, #JaredSubway and #BillCosby scandals have stunned America the last few days. How could leaders who were so trusted and so well-liked have such dark shocking secrets? Why would someone who had it all- marriage, family, kids, money, career, fame, health- risk it all for fifteen minutes of physical pleasure? If they wanted another marriage partner they could have just legally divorced and gone on to date other people- right? Wouldn’t there have been an easier way to experience an intimate connection that wouldn’t have created so much scandal and shame for themselves and their families?             Reputation ruin comes after secret addicts are discovered by a marriage partner- or in the case of these respected leaders- outed by the media. It’s a major new story when these dark secrets are leaked to the press. But that isn’t new. Did you know there was actually an ancie...

Flash back: You just got home from a date that you know went exceptionally well. There was a chemistry, the other person had just the right amount of everything you’re looking for. In the two days following you wait by the phone. After two days, if you haven’t heard from them, you start going through the notions of hurt, rejection, and confusion. Fast forward to the present: The time limit on the “call back” has drastically changed. With the evolution of technology, the “call back” has now turned into a “text back” and normally it’s within an hour of the person leaving. Something simple like “I had a great time tonight.” The conversation goes on for a little bit and you think you really have a connection with this person. Then the day comes, whether it be before or after your second date, that they disappear. Your life turns into a front-row magic show where you’re left wondering what happened. The psychological torture of the hurt, rejection, and confusion becomes more intense due to...

By: Brian M Murray, MS One of the hallmarks of a great marriage or relationship is being involved with a person who values the other person’s feelings in a respectful and caring way. Validation in a relationship is kind of like a relationship health check. It is the ability to communicate thoughts and feelings that are accepted by the other person. Healthy relationships do not criticize or belittle the other person for expressing their feelings. Whether intentional or not, being critical or belittling the other person can send signals that what is being expressed implies the other is wrong, or somehow it makes them a bad person. Invalidation is negative behavior that can and often turns the overall mood of the relationship sour. The initial gut response to the negativity is often anger and resentment. The anger and resentment are the result of feeling the pain of the invalidating comment. Emotional support is very important as it validates each other’s feelings by commu...

Brian M Murray, MS, IMH Relationships are all around us and they exist whether it is marriage, friendships, in-laws and coworkers and chances are there will be challenging times when we try to find ways to get along with each other. At some point there will be conflict within a relationship but it does not always have to be this way. When relationships become dysfunctional, finding ways to navigate through those can be challenging. Being around others who are healthy can bring value and joy to life. Lifetime friends and special people we identify with in our families can generate feelings of appreciation of both what we receive and what we are able to give. Healthy relationships are built on give and take and not all take and not all give. While there are numerous ways to evaluate a relationship, here are 5 ways that can help enhance relationships. 1.       Do you trust each other? Let’s face it, if there is no trust in any relationship then develop...

By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH Okay men, how many times have you been accused of being angry? How many times has a person you respect such as your wife or good friend become hurt after an impulsive outburst only to feel guilty later for the outburst and come back apologizing? While anger is a natural emotion, how we handle it makes a big difference. This isn’t about long term anger problems; this is about sudden onset and short term anger that has come on in the past few months or so. I’ll address the long term stuff toward the end. Men when expressing their emotions often show them in a different ways than women. Anger in men can often be characterized as silent and distant until provoked followed by an outburst. Men when growing up often culturally learn their way in the world is to be tough and to “buck up.” Unfortunately what often happens is as an adult nothing much has changed. Men continue to “buck up” and feelings get stuffed down and suppressed without being expre...

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH No, I am not a man-hater and this article is not meant to be taken seriously.   Rather it is written tongue-in-cheek to demonstrate the obvious and not so obvious ways a wife can show disrespect to her husband.   Sometimes the best way of understanding something is to begin with what it isn’t.   While this can be a roundabout way of addressing a subject, it can also establish some necessary boundaries from which to form a better understanding.   With that in mind, here are a few suggestions for demonstrating disrespect the next time you are alone or out with your husband.   You can do this over dinner, in front of his friends, better yet your friends, and best yet in front of family.   Make sure you temper your comments with sarcasm, mockery or cynicism to add an extra dose of disrespect. ·          His work – Try making a joke about what he does for a living, where he works...

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH Every now and then you get a chance to witness teamwork operating at its finest. Usually this is found in sophisticated work environments or in places where adults have known one another for a long period of time. I however have found it at a high school with a group of seniors who have come from a variety of backgrounds with enormous variations in economic and social status. As a group, there is nothing special that stands out among them as evident in their number of 29 with the majority of them being males. With the exception of a few, they are not the most intelligent, athletic or popular class. Their personal interests are varied from medical school to marines, from marine biology to hunting, from football to dance, and from art to engineering. Yet they get along with surprising contentment for their differences. How? There are three observations as to how they have accomplished this task. Servant leadership. One of the most striking featur...

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH Have you ever had a fight with your computer? Everything is going fine one minute and the next thing you know the computer begins to act up. It starts with one program and then leads to another. You fight back by shutting down the dysfunctional program and trying to control or anticipate the next problem. It retaliates back by doing something new and unexpected and before you realize what is happening you are doing battle with an inanimate object and sadly it is winning. If fighting with an inanimate object is frustrating, try fighting with a human. You begin on one topic and before you know it you are on another topic that has nothing to do with the original topic and you can’t even remember why you were fighting in the first place. Talk about unpredictable and frustrating. However, it does not have to be this way. There is a better way to fight if you think of it in terms of how you handle your computer properly. Pay attention to the problem at hand...