The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

By Megan Muñoz IMH:   There are many dead giveaways in the daily life and activity of someone engaging relationships in codependent ways. One of the necessary components that fuels codependency is a strong feeling of guilt combined with shame. Guilt is different from shame in that guilt is the feeling of having done something wrong, whereas shame is the feeling that there is something inherently wrong with who you are. So how do guilt and shame drive codependency? In codependency, guilt is the voice that tries to convince us that we are responsible for others in ways they are capable of being responsible for themselves. Shame slips in beside guilt and whispers the ways we fall short of the kind of person we are supposed to be in relationship with others. Tiffany was raised from childhood to be responsible for her mother’s emotional needs. As Tiffany got older, she found herself taking more and more responsibility for caring for her mother in ways her mother ...

By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC Sometimes folks come to me and we are working on something and inevitably their past comes up. It could be about some kind of mistreatment or abuse or of some dysfunction in their past environment. And there is of course the “stuff” inside us that relates to our experience of our parents and family. And pretty often we end up landing on a person’s young adult life choices, including sexual promiscuousness. Most feel a sense of shame and guilt about those choices and don’t want to talk about it. So, I thought maybe it would help if I were to write about it and provide some insight into how to approach these past issues. I was reading recently about the prophet Jeremiah in the Old Testament of the Bible. There is a section in which he observes a potter working on making a pot. He forms a pot, but it collapses due to some weakness in the structure. But instead of the potter throwing it away and starting with new clay, he picks up the pieces and mashes them...

By Aaron Welch, LMHC, NCC, CSOTS This article may be less like an article than any I’ve written before. Normally, I really have a grasp of what I’m going to write before I ever write it but, today, the title of my article is an honest question. Truly, why CAN’T I focus on God today? I mean, I’ve done everything I normally would do to spend time with my Creator. I’ve read my Bible, with a focus on how the words relate to my own life right now. I prayed that God would convict me of how I can apply the messages to my own life. I barely got through 3 chapters and, normally, I can read much more, not because I feel obligated, but because I enjoy them. But today, I had to stop because I couldn’t focus. I thought that, perhaps, I needed to spend some time in the awesome workbook, “Experiencing God” and so I read and meditated on the next daily devotional time. It was great! It had some really great ideas about being a godly parent, a topic that TOTAL...

Understanding the psychological dynamics of domestic violence By C. Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach Her cries for help in the middle of the night startled us awake and when we turned on the lights and let our neighbor inside, the red welts on her arms and face shocked us even more. “How could he do this to you?” My mother asked, and all she could sob out was “He didn’t mean to do it, please don’t call the police.” That was my first exposure to domestic violence almost 35 years ago yet I can still vividly remember the look of terror in her eyes after being beat up by her husband, (who was so out of control that he had actually pulled out a weapon to use against her). She ran for her life, but an hour later as the police were handcuffing him for transport to the jail, she was begging them to leave him alone so she could take care of him. It was a long night for everyone, but the next day it was like nothing had ever happened, because it was never ...

Early childhood trauma stamps us for life with a tattoo on our soul that spells the word “shame”. Even though it is hidden deep within the darkest corners of our being, the tattoo of shame marks us for life and many times keeps us from seeking the help we so desperately need to set ourselves free. Why is that? Children must receive from the people around them an abundance of love, care, understanding, and encouragement. All of this positive energy fills a child and enables him or her to learn self-love and the important ability to self-sooth. When all goes well the child grows into an adult whose life is filled with joy, purpose and loving others. However, when a child is deprived of these important necessary experiences because of trauma, life becomes a living hell. Simply put- if we do not receive love when we are young we do not learn to love ourselves which enables us, in later years, to risk being vulnerable enough to love others. To love is to experience joy. The primary...