It’s about Dinner - not a Debate - 10 topics that ruin Thanksgiving
By: Dwight Bain, LMHC, NCC
It’s about Dinner - not a Debate - 10 topics that ruin
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is the busiest travel time of the year with
people racing through airports to be with their relatives and celebrate
together with the people they love most.
What happens when the holiday is ruined by horrible
conflict?
Well, the relationship is destroyed, that’s what happens.
You may have seen that Halloween has replaced Thanksgiving
as the second most popular holiday, in part because of broken family
relationships. Perhaps the popularity of “Friends-Giving” is a reaction to
moving away from the tension of sharing a meal with relatives who view family
being together as a platform for debate, instead of just a dinner.
To prevent another ruined relationship, decide now the
topics NOT to bring up with your dysfunctional relatives this Thanksgiving.
Do not mention any of the following...
1. Politics -
Republicans/Democrats or opinions on impeachment. Unless CNN or FOX News is
paying for your political commentary no one at the table will care.
2. Religion –
Catholic, Baptist, Jewish, Mormon or Muslim. It’s a meal, not an opportunity to
proselytize new converts to your religion.
3. Money or Debt,
especially if the people at the table are the ones who owe you the money. This
is a holiday about counting blessings, not financial regrets.
4. Recent
surgeries, chronic health problems or the gory details of their latest surgery
and body fluid mass while you are eating cranberry sauce with walnut chunks.
5. “Build that wall' or other comments about
immigration which likely have nothing to do with the purpose of sharing a meal
together once a year.
6. Former Spouses –
particularly if they are not there to defend themselves and besides, what does
it accomplish to show gratitude for family by attacking former family members?
7. Current Spouses
– really? Why would you ever do that?
8. Ex’s, current
significant others, or LGBTQ partners. Being mean about the people who your
family member loves will not make them love you, it will do the opposite.
9. In-Laws,
especially if they are at the same table. It’s mean. Don’t do it.
10. The NRA –
second amendment rights are not suitable conversation for families eating
turkey and reflecting on a peaceful meal between Pilgrims and Native Americans.
The first feast was to be grateful to have survived their first year in a new
land. (Besides, some at the table may have Native American roots and might not
have a positive point of view about how guns in the hands of the settlers may
led to a redistribution of original land ownership).
So what should you talk about? The weather? Football? Early
Black Friday sales?
Nope. This is a single day, with a non-rushed meal to deepen
relationships. Healthy people talk about lots of topics which are missed by
dysfunctional folks. To make your relationships better consider talking about
any or all of the following
1. Life
2. Freedom
3. Blessings
4. Restored
relationships
5. Answered Prayers
6. Having access to
healthcare
7. Having a home,
car or living in a safe place with access to transportation
8. Freedom from
Alcohol, drugs or other addictions
9. Spending
patterns. This is a different conversation than the money topic above, since
it’s to honestly look at how to prevent more debt on Black Friday. And how to
help one another with realistic financial expectations for the holiday season.
10. Faith.
Yep, the final topic to include if you want healthy
relationships is to talk about what you believe. Not what your religion
teaches, but to personally share how God has impacted your life. How your faith
changed you, grew you and stretched you into a better person. One who is more
kind, more patient and more loving. (Some people call this sharing their
testimony or sharing their faith journey).
1 Corinthians 13 teaches there are three great emotions.
Faith, Hope and Love – and the greatest of these is love. St. Paul wrote those
words even though he never celebrated Thanksgiving with Turkey, stuffing and
sweet potato pie, still, he captured how to unselfishly build real
relationships. Don’t preach. Just serve. Come to think of it, when you serve
others with a spirit of love you get to celebrate Thanksgiving every day!
About the Author - Dwight Bain is a nationally board-certified
counselor who guides people toward positive change. Follow him across
all social media @DwightBain
To schedule an
appointment with Dwight Bain,
Please call our
office at 407-647-7005.
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