Know Your Valentine's Day Expectations
By Megan Muñoz, IMH
Every relationship
struggles with expectations, whether it is an expectation that is unspoken,
unmet or out of our present awareness. Underneath the surface of frustration,
sadness and hurt is an expectation that was not met. Another way to think
of an expectation is as a belief, and a belief that drives an expectation can
be positive or negative. When we expect something to go wrong, it is because we
have an internal belief that wrong is likely to happen. If we expect something
to go well, it is because our internal thoughts are tied to the belief that
what we are about to experience will go well. The beliefs that drive our
expectations are also tied to our past experiences that have shaped those beliefs.
We are not always aware of our internal expectations because sometimes we are
not consciously aware of what we believe about an approaching event or
situation.
Valentine’s Day is a day
loaded with internal and external expectations. First let’s talk about external
expectations. According to the National Retail Federation, American consumers
are expected to spend an average of $140 on Valentine’s Day this year with
total spending at $19.6 billion. Advertisements do their best to persuade us to
buy their product with the goal to form a belief that this kind of expenditure
is normal and done by everyone. These external expectations tend to wrap
themselves around our internal expectations and blur the two together. As with
every holiday, there are two sides to the expectation story. The first is the
one projected onto the holiday through media and the second is what you
uniquely expect. When these two blur together, they can cause significant
disappointment and feelings of frustration and sadness.
So what do you
expect/believe about celebrating Valentine’s Day this year? It may take some
time to separate the pieces of external expectations from your true internal
ones. Perhaps a better and more vulnerable way to ask the question would be to
consider what you hope to do this Valentine’s Day. You might discover that,
while you do not buy into the consumerism, you do still like the idea of doing
something to acknowledge the affection and love you have for a significant
person in your life. You may hope that person also wants to acknowledge it on
the holiday as well. Others may realize that they don’t expect to celebrate at
all. Whatever your expectations, it is important to communicate them to your
significant other once you have discerned them for yourself. It might be
helpful to have a pre-Valentine conversation to get on the same page with one
another. Doing this will not only be helpful for your relationship as you
decide how to spend Valentine’s Day, but will also help you practice being
aware of and communicating your expectations in the future.
To schedule an appointment with Megan Muñoz,
Please call our office at 407-647-7005.