The Emotional Suffering of Grief
Brian M. Murray, M.S. IMH
Having to say goodbye to a loved one can be one of the most
difficult situations a person is faced with. Grieving can be very difficult for
someone who is trying to come to grips with the meaning of the loss and the
emotions they are experiencing. Strong attachments to others are not easy to
let go of, and grieving loss is not limited to the death of a loved one.
Emotional suffering can come due to the loss of something in our lives such as
a job, health, a pet, a friend or even experiencing a serious life event that
leads to the loss of future dreams. The one common denominator is that loss is
experienced through the processing of strong emotions and over a period of
time.
Grief is commonly recognized as having 5 stages as
introduced by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969. As an expert on grief, she
explained that these 5 stages are what a person goes through when dealing with
loss:
1. Denial
and isolation
2. Anger
3. Depression
4. Bargaining
5. Acceptance
These stages are not experienced in any specific order
except for the 5th and final stage, acceptance. At any time, one
stage may become predominant and unless it gets processed through, a person can
get stuck or hung up trying to heal through that stage. While there is no time
limit for the grieving process, someone who becomes “stuck” in a stage may have
difficulty reaching the 5th and final stage of acceptance.
Acceptance does not mean a person forgets, but that they have processed through
the loss and they can reasonably continue with their life.
Grieving is a normal process that allows a person the chance
to heal. Additionally, not all the stages have to be experienced in order to
heal. Beyond the 5 stages some physical symptoms may occur as well such as fatigue,
nausea and weight loss. Additional feelings such as fear, guilt and sadness are
also common.
Awareness of the process of how a person grieves and that
emotional suffering is part of the process serves to validate common feelings
and helps normalize the experience. So what can a person do to help deal with
these feelings? Here are a few suggestions of how a person can begin to work
though the grieving process.
·
Get support from family, friends and a support
group. Finding a good support group is very beneficial as it helps the person
to know they are not alone and not the only one going through this experience.
Groups can help offer insight.
·
Turn to faith and God to find reconciliation for
the loss through prayer, meditation and practice. Often, getting back into the
routine of faith practices can bring a sense of normalcy to daily living.
·
Find a way to articulate thoughts and feelings
regarding the loss through artistic expression. This can be done through
journal writing, artwork such as drawing, painting and pottery, scrapbooking or
some other creative way. The idea is to process through the emotions while
conducting the task. Make it unique and make it yours.
·
Take care of your body. Physical activities such
as walking, and proper diet can help your body reduce stress. Sleep is important;
take measures to get enough rest and sleep. Having a daily routine for daily
living can be very beneficial.
Depression: An Area
of Special Concern
Suffering a major loss can create a trigger for depression.
As previously mentioned, a person can become stuck in their grief, with
depression often being the most difficult stage to process through. Someone who
is stuck in depression can begin to experience difficulties associated with the
depression as well as the whole grieving process. When a person recognizes that
they might be struggling with depression, it is important to seek treatment.
The sooner they receive treatment, the better the outcome. Do not hesitate to
contact a health professional such as a medical doctor or counselor.
There are signs that indicate when depression is worsening
and reaching a point where help is needed:
·
Recurrent thoughts of suicide or death or
wishing you had died with the loved one.
·
Difficulty functioning or concentrating at home
with family, at work, school or other areas of social involvement.
·
Not wanting to get out of bed and face the day,
slow movement, body aches and wanting to isolate. Insomnia may occur as well.
·
Frequent or heavy substance use in order to cope
with negative feelings. Using substances often makes the depression worse.
·
Strong sense of guilt or self blame for the
loss, feeling hopeless and/or worthless.
·
Sudden onset and rapid changes in weight - putting
on or losing.
Suffering and grief do not have to be endured alone. Seek
professional help, support groups, family and friends to help get through the
process. Leaving major depression untreated can also lead to other health
problems so it is important to get proper treatment as soon as possible.
