Showing posts from March, 2013

Guilt in Parenting

By Matt W Sandford, LMHC
Let’s face it; if you have been striving to be a good parent, then you’ve felt guilt. Then again, if you’ve not been striving too much, it may also be from guilt. Either way, guilt and parenting seem to go hand in hand. But parenting guilt can be particularly heavy, more so than other types of guilt. Why is this? Because the stakes are higher, we tell ourselves. The fear of messing up our kids, or the belief that one already has done so, can be devastating to one’s emotional health, as well as damaging to the relationship with our kids. Let’s look at this in more detail and then I’ll offer some suggestions for freedom from this kind of guilt.
The Two Guilts: False Guilt and True Guilt
We’ve done something to our kids that we believe is wrong, or hurtful, or neglectful. Maybe you feel it as soon as it happens – like the times you overreact to misbehavior and yell, belittle, lecture, use sarcasm, withdraw love, or shame in some other way. Maybe you feel it when yo…

Three Truths About Stress & The Three Things You Can Do Right Now to Manage Stress

Laura Hull, LMFT
Coping Coach
Stress.It’s that six letter word that we blame when we feel burned out, “under the gun,” like we’re racing the clock.Life is demanding for most people.The things in life that require our time, our focus, our patience, can usually be labeled and categorized under the heading of “stressors”.Stress usually gets a bad rap.Stress isn’t a bad word.Stress isn’t necessarily even a bad thing. Here are some truths about stress:

·Stress isn’t “all-bad”.In fact, it could be argued that we need a little stress in our lives to give it structure.Stay with me here – think about it.Meeting deadlines for work or for paying bills, arriving at designated times to work or social events, taking on extra activities such as PTA, becoming a coach for our children’s t-ball team…. these commitments certainly add stress to our lives, but it also gives structure to our lives and our time. Sometimes we get ourselves in trouble, or “stressed out” by over-committing.The difference betwe…

How to Break Down S.T.R.E.S.S.

Brian M. Murray, MS, IMH
Stress! The mere sound of the word can conjure up feelings of uneasiness, just knowing there is something tied to it that is unpleasant. So let’s take a minute to examine the word and find a way to fight stress with S.T.R.E.S.S. Stress is often unavoidable in life, so like many other things, it cannot be fully eliminated but it can be managed effectively if appropriate steps are taken.
Stress is a natural reaction to a perceived threat, fear and excessive worry. If it goes on too long and turns into chronic stress, it can begin to impact our overall health both physically and mentally. Below is acronym for S.T.R.E.S.S. on how to help manage it and make life a little bit easier. While it may be impossible to eliminate stress altogether, getting a handle on it can be a good start.
S. - Slow Down. Don’t try to do too much too fast. A great stress producer is trying to do too much in too little time. Take smaller steps and just do one thing at a time to slow down t…

How to Eliminate Stress From Your Life Without Taking a Yoga Class or Changing Your Schedule in 10 Steps

By Chris Hammond
Have you ever Googled “eliminate stress” only to find a long list of impossible tasks from people who obviously don’t have a job and aren’t married with kids?My personal favorite ideas were to quit work (really? because last time I checked you work to earn money to care for your family and quitting work would add considerable stress to your life), have an open schedule (this is laughable as my schedule is almost entirely dictated by my kids’ activities), and avoid difficult people (yes, that is really possible when you work with difficult people all day long).You already know that you need to reduce the stress in your life but having ridiculous suggestions about how to go about it only increases stress and gives you the impression that reducing stress in your very busy life is impossible.It’s not.
Here are a few suggestions that have been tested and proven to be effective by very busy people like you.
1.Know where you are going.As silly as it sounds, having goals for eac…

Strategic Coaching Questions to Create Success

By: Dwight Bain Questions - they change our lives. Jesus the Master teacher continually asked questions. Here are strategic questions covering the key areas of life to keep you sharp as a coach, or to use in challenging the thinking of your coaching clients. Faith–No matter your current spiritual state, growing your faith is an essential part of a successful life. What goals do you need to set to develop your spiritual core?
Family– Is your family on course? Are you communicating, spending quality time together, and working as a team? No family is perfect. Talk to each other about what needs improvement in your family life. Finances–When is the last time you evaluated your finances? Do you have a budget? Is your budget for this year in line with your obligations? Most people ignore this area, or just fight about it. Take time now to review your spending, create additional saving, speed up debt service and don't neglect the importance of charitable giving. God has blessed…

What Are You SO Angry About? 3 Steps to Identifying the Roots of Anger

By Matt W Sandford
Do you ever have trouble figuring out why you’re angry or where it came from? You thought you were doing fine just minutes ago and then something provokes you and you maybe lash out, attack back, get snide or sarcastic, lecture somebody, insult them, grumble and gossip, plot revenge, or even fume or pout quietly. Anger has many looks and shades to it. How are you at even identifying when you are angry?It is quite difficult to sort out the causes and meanings of our anger if we aren’t able to be aware of when we are experiencing it.
Step one: Identifying Anger
Maybe you have trouble identifying anger because you don’t want to believe you are getting angry, or you really don’t want to see how often you do. Maybe you believe that anger is bad or wrong? Some people do. Maybe you deny your anger because you are afraid of it or what you may do, or what people will think of you? This is also common. Maybe you see it as embarrassing or losing self control? Maybe you had exper…

Feeling Angry? Try Being More Assertive!

Brian M. Murray, MS, IMH

It may sound contradictory for an angry person to be more assertive, however being more assertive can help release built up anger. Anger is a normal emotion and we all experience it at one time or another. However there are times when we have a tendency to hold things in regarding issues in life such as a perceived injustice or the lack of boundaries. When anger goes unexpressed for too long it can turn inward, manifesting in resentment and compulsive behaviors. It is not uncommon for anger held on to for long periods of time to turn into depression. Other symptoms of mismanaged anger can be strong use of sarcasm, isolation, substance abuse, relationship problems and a general sense of the loss of self. Anger manifested outwardly is much more obvious. It appears as rage directed at inanimate objects, e.g. road rage and yelling or becoming abusive toward others.
Since anger is a common emotion, the idea of dealing with it is not to eliminate it, but to learn …

How Fear Fuels Obsession

By Chris Hammond
Have you ever felt as though you were doing everything you could, yet no matter how hard you tried, things got worse and worse?Are you caught in a trap that leaves you feeling helpless, frustrated and discouraged?Do you find that your behavior, which you believe is careful and cautious, is perceived by others as obsessive and often repels instead of drawing them closer?Certain emotions such as fear can add fuel to an obsessive cycle that leaves you feeling trapped and out of control.
It all starts with a painful event such as abuse by a relative, abandonment by a friend or rejection from a job.Each of these events can spark fear directed at another person for their part in the event or directed at you for failure in handling the event properly.This feeling of fear is uncomfortable so you counteract it with a desire to over-control yourself, others or your environment.So you turn to the obsession of your choice: cleaning, checking, washing, excessive order, repeating the…