Feeling Stuck? Do Things Differently!
Brian M. Murray, MS, IMH
Feeling stuck in life
can bring about unsettling emotions and negative thinking. It can create
questions in the mind about life, career, family and a whole host of other
thinking patterns that can lead to major changes. Often the source of
frustration for feeling stuck isn't so much about the position someone finds
themselves as it is about how they think about how they see themselves in their
current situation. This negative thinking pattern over time can lead into other
issues such as low self-esteem, self-worth, depression and anxiety. To head
this off at the pass before it gets to that level and therapy is needed to
reverse course there are a few things a person can do to help get directed back
into a positive mindset.
Watch out for and
filter internal self dialogue that has a critical voice saying something that
leads to thinking "I'm not good enough and I'm incompetent." This can
lead to feelings of guilt and shame which has an underlying tone that
translates into "I am doing something wrong, or I am a bad person."
This is language of negative thinking and when it goes on for too long it
becomes a habit. Just like any other habit, the longer it is done the more
reinforced it becomes.
Now the good news.
Getting into a negative thinking pattern is something that is learned and when
something is learned it can be relearned. It is like learning bad math
and going through life with the understanding that 3 plus 2 equals 6 can be
frustrating. The idea is to learn new ways of doing things by replacing the old
ways with new ways with something more realistic. Many years ago
Alcoholics Anonymous figured this out and they use a common phrase saying
"watch out for your stinking thinking." They know that thinking
despairing thoughts leads to distress and unhealthy coping mechanisms. So how
does someone get into a more healthy and realistic frame of mind? Here are a
few things that can help lead to change.
- Be a self role model. If there is
something that you do not like about yourself then acting more like the
person you want to be can be a good starting point. This can be real or
imagined, envision what this might look like and work toward that vision.
- Take inventory of your posture.
The way a person walks, talks, sits and stands can make a difference in
how they feel about themselves. Using a confident posture can help a
person feel more confident about who they are and their purpose in life.
- No matter how small or big an
achievement do some self rewarding. Feeling good and celebrating
achievements helps reinforce something that was done that is good and puts
things in a more positive light.
- Recognize and accept your
strengths. Be thankful for compliments and at times give some out to
others. Sometimes a helpful way can be to write compliments down or thank
you cards and put them into a file. If feeling negative a good technique
for lifting mood in the future is to pull out that file and read a few of
the notes tucked away.
- Changing language to reflect
motivation. Changing internal motivational language goes from "I will
try" to "I will." Trying can influence self doubt about the
ability to achieve something and leaves an easy out. Motivational language
reflects determination and a positive attitude about how "I can do it
and I will do it."
When feeling stuck
take a look at the bigger picture and think about how there may be other ways
of doing things. This list is not exhaustive and being creative on how to get
unstuck goes a long way. Step outside of yourself and see how you would see
yourself if you were another person. What would that person say to you? What
would you say to another person if they were having the same experience?