Showing posts from January, 2013

I Just Have a Little Apathy, But So What..

By Matt Sandford, LMHC
Okay, so I spend some of my free time playing Halo or Facebooking. So what!? Okay, maybe it’s a little more than that. Okay, maybe it’s a minor obsession; get off my back! I’m just having fun and blowing off steam. Because my life is really stressful. I have to figure out where I’m going in life. At least, that’s what I’m told. I think. (I tuned it out awhile ago, but I think they’re still droning on about it.)
Apathy in the young crowd today is as common as cheap sex, as common as credit card debt, as common as short shorts and too big pants, as common as whatever fad is popular at the moment. Although I am not suggesting that apathy is a fad. Yeah, maybe we could chalk it up to being a normal adolescence phase. But I’m guessing that many of you are finding that that doesn’t sit well for you. Particularly because that phase is lasting longer and seeming to be more pronounced that if it were simply a “phase”.
And if you are a parent of a late teen or young adult st…

Careers: What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up?

By Laura Hull,MA, LMFT

“What am I going to be when I grow up?”Remember asking that question when we were children?From the time we were old enough to realize that one day we would have jobs and go to work for real, we pondered the possibilities of what we would one day be. Maybe we dreamed about being a doctor or a fireman…maybe a rock star.Maybe we dreamed even bigger.But for a long time, any thoughts we had about what we wanted for a career were just that, thoughts and dreams.However, by the time high school was over, real grown up decisions must be made about how to chart a course for our adult lives. Some choose to further their education in college or a trade school, while others join the working force in some capacity.

By the time I was halfway through my undergrad program, I came to the terrible realization that I had made a horrible mistake in what I had chosen to major in.I also realized that my plan B & C were not stellar, either.What a shame it is that we must try to d…

Do You Have the Career Change Blues? Don't be Dismayed!

By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH
An unsatisfying career can be a real downer leading to wanting to do something different in life. A career change can be a daunting task and taking into account the many factors as to why a change is needed can seem overwhelming at times. Forbes Magazine reported that Right Management conducted a one month survey from April to May in 2012 on job satisfaction. Only 19% of the 411 respondents reported job satisfaction. Wow, 79% do not like their jobs.
Let’s throw in some more factors. A sluggish economy creates a power shift that in some ways can leave a dissatisfied employee feeling stuck in a job they don’t like. Poor cash flow equals no raises or promotions and some companies have resorted to some extreme measures that if a person is so much as 5 minutes late to work they be fired. This begins to create more of a survival mentality of endurance than a real career challenge. The thinking gets changed from “what can I do next to further my career” to “what…

Date Night Under the Influence of Marriage

By Brian Murray and Christine Hammond
Sitting on the couch at home on a Friday night watching television when a jewelry commercial offering a Valentine’s Day special appears.
Her.I bet that even with this commercial he still will “forget” about Valentine’s Day.I should know better than to expect anything from him because I just wind up getting my feelings hurt and disappointed.Look at him, he’s not even making any signs that this ad is even on.Boy do I love that necklace, not that he would get it for me.Maybe I just have to buy it for myself.“Would you like more chips dear?”
Him.Wow here we go again, another season of having to put up with these manipulators.“Can you believe these people, every year they play on emotional heart strings.What a crock!”
Her. I knew it.He’s so complete devoid of any emotion that it just tears me apart.It’s not really about emotional heart strings like he says; it’s really about the money.He just doesn’t want to part with his money and that’s why he says that …

ADHD Medication Not Working for Your Teen? It May be a Sleep Disorder

By Chris Hammond
It is yet another counseling appointment for Sam who is 13 years old and is struggling in school, home, and everywhere he goes.He has been diagnosed with ADHD and depression in the past but all of the medications have failed to work and his is getting worse, not better.He is a bright boy who can do well at school but he frequently falls asleep while doing homework saying that it is too boring.Socially he struggles with his peers as he seems disconnected, detached, and distracted.You are beyond frustrated, having tried numerous therapies and medications convinced that something is wrong but unable to identify it.Finally you begin to believe that he is just lazy.
While laziness may play a factor in Sam’s teenage brain, there might be something else.Frequently, lack of proper sleep can have waking symptoms of ADHD or even depression.Without proper REM sleep, a still growing teenager will struggle to stay awake during the day, seem distracted, forgetful, moody, prone to ang…

Addiction: Filling a Hole in the Heart

By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH

Psalm 27:7-9 (MSG) Listen, God, I’m calling at the top of my lungs: “Be good to me! Answer me!” When my heart whispered, “Seek God,” my whole being replied, “I’m seeking him!” Don’t hide from me now! Addiction: Whether drugs, money, alcohol, sex, gambling or whatever the choice of chemical or behavior often have more to do with the heart more than anything else. This is not the actual physical condition of the heart but about the core condition of a person’s being. The heart seeks something to fill, something that is missing inside, the emptiness; repeatedly it searches and never finds what it’s looking for. Addiction never satisfies. The rock band U2 sings about this longing emptiness that the heart seeks in their song “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”This void in the heart is something only God can fill.

It isn’t unusual for the band U2 to sing about addiction. The lead singer Bono lost a good friend many years ago who was addicted to heroin…


Trust (Part 1)
By Laura Hull

Trust.It’s such a small word that holds so much power.The foundation of every meaningful relationship in our lives is greatly determined by our ability to trust someone else.Please note the very intentional point I made of every meaningful relationship in our lives is built on a foundation of trust.We certainly have relationships in our lives that are not contingent on trust.I have a relationship with my bank.I may trust my bank enough to deposit my money every week, but I still check my balance frequently because I do not completely trust that they will not make a mistake with my account.We don’t necessarily trust those that we work with/around, but it’s helpful if we do (and in my case, I do!).However, without trust, those kinds of relationships never develop into anything that adds something positive to our lives.

Some people have an easy time trusting others, while others struggle greatly.Our ability to trust is largely determined by the experiences of…

Why Did My Spouse Cheat? 5 Reasons That Lead to Affairs

By: Brian M. Murray, MS, IMH
Why did my spouse cheat on me? While there is no simple answer to this question, there are no doubts that when the news hits someone about a cheating spouse there is a flood of emotions that come with it. After the initial shock and emotions have subsided they begin to search for the answers as to why it happened. Some personal blame may begin to creep in, or guilt and shame that there could have been something done to prevent it from happening. Initial reactions typically run through the entire list of painful negative emotions such as anger, sadness, anxiety, worry and fear just to name a few.
Looking for answers, the non-cheating spouse will often try to rationalize the behavior or search for meaning as to why the affair happened. Sometimes the answer can be simple but usually there is something going on that is more complex. Here are 5 reasons as to why a spouse can have an affair.
1.They chose to have one. Let’s just cut right to the chase. Regardle…

What to Do When You've Been Caught

By Matt W Sandford, LMHC
You worked hard to cover up your infidelity, but then you were found out. Maybe at first there were suspicions that you were able to doge and accusations that you were able to head off or evidence that you were able to cover up or erase? But then the jig was up. Or maybe you got a conscience and got tired of all the lying? Or maybe you actually wanted to come clean and deal with your betrayal?
But now it’s all out there. And your spouse is heartbroken and you are racked with guilt and shame. (I hope you are feeing guilt and shame, for these would be appropriate feelings. I don’t mean to say that I am wishing ill on you, I merely mean that unless you are feeling these emotions, you have little hope for redemption and recovery.)
I am going to assume that you are struggling with you infidelity and that you want to successfully recover your life and your marriage. Otherwise you would be reading something about how to deceive your spouse, or how to enjoy being a non-…