Three Ways to Tackle Anxiety
Everyone worries, but not everyone worries the same way.
Everyone worries but not everyone is affected the same way. Some are more
affected by events, or external issues or circumstances, some more so by
negative thoughts, personal flaws, or wounds old and new. And when things
happen in our world and in our community and in our personal lives the worries
can pile up. My goal for this vignette is not to provide a way to eradicate all
your anxieties, as wonderful as that sounds, for that would be aiming too high
for a mere article. However, all of us can feel better if we can reduce the
size or the intensity of the pile of worries. And that seems like a reachable
and helpful goal.
1.
Find a way to get at least some of those swirling
thoughts out of your head. You know, the more that you ruminate on your
anxieties that it doesn’t help. In fact, they grow, don’t they? They seem to
take on a life of their own, as your mind finds ways to add to the
possibilities of things getting worse. One thing that can stop the train this
runaway train is to get it out – by talking to someone or journaling. Let me
provide a couple guidelines for talking with someone, because not all talking
is productive talking. First, let’s address the person you chose. If possible,
choose someone you believe can listen without giving advice or minimizing your
feelings or perspective. And also be wary of someone who will amp up your
emotions by joining you too strongly, if you know what I mean. Choosing a safe
person is more than we can get into fully here, so I would recommend a resource
such as Boundaries or Safe People by Henry Cloud. Also, if talking to someone
becomes venting, then you are simply reproducing the same internal ruminating
that you do in your head. So, that’s not what I am referring to. The point is
about processing your thoughts and feelings. But this may take some work so
keep at it. The art of effective journaling could be a separate article all its
own. But for now, think of it as a dialogue with yourself. Ask yourself probing
questions (which does not mean beating yourself up, by the way) and try to play
the role of that safe friend – with yourself.
2.
Stop trying to make yourself stop worrying!
Here’s another strategy that mostly works against you, right? But like
ruminating, it’s hard to break. When you engage in this you have actually
increased your own anxiety. One reason we do this is because we want to stop,
of course. But really it is because we believe that we are doing something
wrong or bad. And there’s the problem. We have been confused about the
relationship between two elements. One is that we naturally and rightly work
hard to address our concerns, such as solve problems and help or protect loved
ones. The other has to do with trust. This is the reason that the Bible tells
us to not be anxious. It is not saying that we should have no concern for the
things that are important and not want to protect our loved ones. The point is
that we should bring our concerns to the one whom we can trust. I Peter 5:7
tells us to “cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” If you
can shift to viewing your anxieties as concerns and then work on bringing them
to God, you can then let go of seeing them as bad and won’t feel such a need to
try to stop yourself. Also, I would suggest incorporating this approach into
your journaling and try journaling to God as well.
3.
Be proactive. We just clarified that often our
anxieties are concerns about real issues or problems. And likely we invest our
emotional energy in worrying about them because at some level they feel
overwhelming or unsolvable. That’s one big reason of course for bringing them
to God, the One for whom nothing is too big. This brings us back to my original
purpose, of not trying to eliminate all worry but to reduce the intensity or
amount. The way to go about this is to be systematic. Sit down and write out
(there’s that writing again) a list of your concerns/anxieties. The go back
through them and rank them according to the intensity of the worry. Next, go
through your list and mark the ones that are in your sphere of influence,
meaning the ones you feel you have the power to address. Then look over your
list again and mark the ones that you could take on if you had some help. Now,
I bet your already know what I am about to propose. Take the ones that are
left, the ones that don’t belong in your sphere of influence and you could not
address even if you had help and hand those to God (point number two). Next
take the ones marked that you could address with help. Choose one and match it
with an appropriate person who could do the helping and ask for their help.
Lastly, look over your list of items you marked that are in your sphere of
influence. Notice the rankings you gave them of their intensity. I am going to
suggest that it may not be best to try and tackle the highest ranking one
first; that may overtax you just when you are attempting to lower your anxiety
level. So, choose something else, something that feels doable. And now, let’s reevaluate.
Have you seen some progress? Turned some things over to God, got help with
something and reduced your list of concerns that were weighing you down?
In summary, get the anxieties out somehow, be more gracious
to yourself about your worrying and pare down that burdensome list of worries
you carry around. Remember, we all process our experiences uniquely and we all
need to be connected to others. Hope it helps!
Matt W. Sandford,
LMHC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you
are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to
friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact
and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include
the following paragraph in your reprint.
"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"
"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"