Getting & Maintaining Balance
By: Matt W. Sandford, LMHC
Do you sometimes find yourself feeling tired, weary, run
down, and yet you haven’t done anything very physically strenuous? If so, then
you have encountered your emotional bank. Have you ever felt drained from a relationship
or a type of task that you loathe? If so, then you have encountered your
emotional bank. On the other hand, if you have been energized from spending
time with a good friend, then you have also encountered your emotional bank.
What we are talking about here is the truth that we have an emotional energy
level that goes up and down based on our experiences. Everything we experience
is either making deposits or withdrawals in our emotional bank. But, how often
are we aware of our emotional bank and the level at which it is? Even more, how
often do we attend to it and seek to “balance the books” as they say?
First of all, you are going to need to have some idea of the
types of experiences and persons that are drainers and energizers for you. The
point is not to simply avoid all drainers, for that is highly unlikely to
accomplish. The point is to be aware of the times when an abundance of drainers
will be coming your way (or already have) and then of how to instill an
infusion of deposits so you can avoid bankruptcy. Even better would be if you
can structure some depositors into your weekly routine. Yes, this requires some
thought and effort and planning. But there’s the rub. If putting some effort
into keeping your emotional bank from going under is too taxing for you or
doesn’t interest you, then it may mean you are already in bankruptcy. What
then? Another way to state it is, how does one get out of bankruptcy when he or
she can’t afford the attorney fees?
The good news is that your emotional bank is not the same
sort of thing, and taking care of this bank is not really like managing your
money although this may serve as a useful analogy. This is because deposits can
come in many forms, and collapsing from exhaustion can be one of them. Rest is
a form of deposit. Remember what was said, everything either makes withdraws or
deposits. This means that if you choose to not invest in efforts to grow your
deposits that you are opting to increase your withdrawals. Of course many
things come into our lives that are immense drainers that we did not choose.
However, the person who feels out of gas or burned out or jaded often has
developed a fatalistic view of life, which strongly contributes to their belief
that they are powerless and stuck.
Suffice it to say that your experience of yourself, of your thought
processes and beliefs, are experiences that make either deposits or withdrawals
just like any other, likely more so. So, no matter how your emotional bank got
as low as your reserves are, you are the one that can breathe life giving
deposits back in. Maybe take a page from AA on this and look to your higher
power? I believe that God is the ultimate depositor.
Here’s a list of some possible depositors.
-
Sleep
-
Enjoyable distractions, such as reading,
watching a movie
-
Time with good friends
-
Nature
-
Music or art
-
Smiling and laughing
-
Exercise
-
Experiencing someone helping you on a task
-
Generosity and kindness, both received and given
Let me encourage you to take an
inventory of some of your top drainers and take the time to strategize a way to
surround them with some deposits. You may have to work with that person (or be
related to them) or you may have to perform that task, or deal with that issue,
but that doesn’t mean you have to end up depleted to the degree you usually end
up.
You’ll be glad you did.
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"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"