What Type of Narcissictic Husband Do You Have? pt2

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH

A Bully Narcissist may have you intimidated.  A Girly Narcissist may have you feeling bi-polar.   A Poker Face Narcissist may have you questioning reality.  A Debater Narcissist may have you arguing with yourself.  But a Psychotic Narcissist will have you downright fearful with little justification for how or why you are feeling that way.  The urge to run in the opposite direction will be just as strong as the curiosity to explain where the intense feelings are coming from.  It is almost as though you are having a moment of heightened sensitivity where all of your antennas are up and you are on full red alert just looking for the slightest indication that you are in immediate danger but without success.  Any yet you are in danger.

For this reason, the Psychotic Narcissist becomes an interesting study in how a Narcissistic Personality Disorder can become so intense that they proudly commit heinous acts of violence with no morsel of empathy for the victims.  In fact, they will claim to be the victim and further claim that the people they have harmed actually deserve to be harmed.  They will insist that anyone who disagrees with them secretly agrees but is too fearful to admit it and arrogantly assumes that they are admired for their supposed bravery.  They are an exaggerated hyper negative form of each type of Narcissism: Bully, Girly, Poker Face, and Debater with no accurate perception of reality.

From Bully to Belligerent.  The Bully Narcissist who is loud, pushy, and overly aggressive while making decisions by bulldozing over you now transforms into belligerent.  Their behavior so quickly becomes aggressive that you hardly know what is happening and you don’t have time to think about your reaction.  Their aggression is so well practiced, even perfected, that you discount your instinctive reaction to run as you become enticed by their charismatic personality.  Once they see your guard is down, they become aggressive believing they are more powerful, more intelligent, and more worthy of existence than you.

From Girly to Hypersensitive.  The Girly Narcissist who believes their feelings are king and literally takes up all of the oxygen in a room now transforms into hypersensitivity.  They are so much in tune with your emotions and level of fear that they delight themselves causing you to be emotional or fearful.  Just to prove they are in charge of your feelings, they will turn on the charisma till you are no longer fearful and then in a second turn it off so that you are fearful again.  The rush they get from watching your reactions and knowing that they have influence over you eggs them to repeat it.  Because their feelings are always right, if they enjoy watching you squirm then they justify in their heads that you in turn should be grateful to feed their enjoyment no matter what the personal cost.

From Poker Face to “Boy Next Door”.  The Poker Face Narcissist who has learned to be quiet so no one knows what they are thinking which in the end enables them to better manipulate you now transforms into the “boy next door”.  Everything about their outward appearance indicates that they are safe and no one believes they could ever do such any offense until after the event.  While your emotions may tell you to run, their physical appearance is not intimidating and looks strangely like a person you would imagine meeting at church.  Their quietness is often mistaken for shyness but they are not shy, they are cunning and spinning a web of deception waiting for the next target.

From Debater to Obstinate.  The Debater Narcissist who over explains everything again and again requiring you to agree with every small detail and then to agree again with their conclusion now transforms into obstinate behavior.  They become so engrossed in the lies they tell to win their argument that they actually begin to accept them as reality.  A simple statement can have so many multiple meanings, spins, manipulations and lies all mixed in with one dose of truth that it becomes difficult to separate fact from fiction.  In fact, they are so good at convincing you that fiction is fact that you become confused when confronted with actual fact and shut down instead.  That is precisely where they want you, depending on them for what is real and what is not. 

The worse part of a Psychotic Narcissist is that they believe themselves to be perfect, almost God like and the rest of the population is beneath them.  So any behavior they can justify in their minds, they are capable of doing making careful notes to blame a host of other people if they are ever discovered.  Because in the end while they are proud of what they have done, they don’t want to be responsible for suffering any consequences handed to them by people who are beneath their level of intellect, power, understanding, and ultimately anyone in a position of authority.  They believe they are the rightful authority figures who have yet to be appreciated for their brilliance.

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About the author- Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.