Does Worry Steal Your Joy?
By Dwight Bain
Little kids do it, senior citizens do it, Presidents and Prime Ministers do it… they worry too much. Do you let this common pattern steal your joy, if so you are not alone since worry affects everyone from 5 to 85. Women are especially prone to this emotion that steals so much joy from living.
Women worry about many different things, from finances to body image to relationships to work or even to worry about their mother's approval, even if their mother is 90! Yet the same psychological drive is fueling this stressful emotion no matter what triggers it. I believe the real source behind the worry most women feel is control.
Not control in the sense of being a manipulative monster, (like Jane Fonda's character in the chick flick film "Monster-in-Law"), rather it's the need to know what's happening around her so she can feel empowered, safe and in control of her emotions and environment.
Think of it this way.
The Cure for Worry is Control
When control goes up, worry goes down because the more a woman can understand the more she will automatically feel a sense of security and confidence inside. Think of it like the self-control the Bible talks about, instead of hyper control, which only leads to frustration. When a woman knows that things are under control she will feel comfortable, safe and worry will fade away. (Maybe that's why day-spas are so popular- a woman can just take a break for a few hours and not worry about the world around her). However, as a situation begins to feel out of control, worry dramatically increases, leading to more serious conditions like
- Social Phobia
- Stress disorders with physical symptoms (like migraines)
- Generalized Anxiety Disorders or
- Panic Attacks
Women process information verbally which is why they need to talk through so many issues to feel comfortable. When a woman feels connected through communication she feels confident and alive, instead of overly concerned or afraid.
Listen don’t Lecture
Men would do well to figure out that they could make rapid improvement in their relationships simply by listening, instead of lecturing the women in their life. She doesn’t want a quick ‘Mr. Fix-it” answer usually, she just wants someone to listen and allow her to sort through her fears, worries and concerns. When a woman feels safe in the relationship, her worries fade and psychological energy can be spent on living life, instead of living in fear of what might happen next.
There is a biblical principle that says, “Cast all of your worries on God, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7). Learn to give your stress, fear and worries to God through prayer, because that way even if the people in your life aren't listening you can still rest safe knowing that God will always be there for you.
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About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change. He is a professional speaker who partners with media, corporations and non-profit organizations to make a positive difference in our culture.