Marriage Counseling: Losing That Loving Feeling

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH

In every marriage there are moments when the feeling of love and romance seems lost as the busyness of everyday life overwhelms you. Somewhere along the way the intense and exciting love you once strongly felt is replaced with feelings of comfort and security. While comfort and security are important feelings of worth in a marriage, you hunger for the intense excitement of your earlier years when every thought was captivated by the other person and your heart ached when you were apart.

The mistake many make is looking for that loving feeling in someone else rather than in their partner; they contact old flings trying desperately to find that intensity and excitement again. While others believe that their marriage is beyond that point of intensity and excitement and instead struggle with settling for the mundane. In reality, neither needs to be the case as you can reignite that intensity and excitement in your own marriage without bringing in another person or settling for less.

Remember. Grab an old photo album, turn on your song, eat at your favorite restaurant, or relive your first date; anything that reminds you of when you first met each other will work. Then spend some time remembering what you first loved about your spouse and communicating it to one another. This is not the time to rehash old arguments or frustrations; rather it is a time to reflect on the good times and what did work well between the two of you.

Repent. Anytime you visit the past, there will be moments when you realize that you hurt one another. Take a few moments to acknowledge the past hurts, ask for forgiveness, and let it go. Holding onto past hurts is like erecting a wall around your heart to protect yourself from any more harm. When you ask for forgiveness and intentionally work at not repeating the same mistake, you allow your spouse to remove the wall around their heart and the love will flow more freely.

Rediscover. You have grown in your marriage and so has your spouse. You are not the same person that first got married so spend some time getting to know the person your spouse has become instead of the person you have decided they have become. Give grace first to each other before others in your life and you will discover a love that is far deeper than the intense and exciting love that you once felt.

It is never too late to turn your marriage around. By remembering, repenting and rediscovering your spouse you can turn your hearts towards one another and your bond will become stronger than when you first began.

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"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2011), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit or call 407-647-7005"

About the author- Christine Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.

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