Finding That Perfect Mate

By: Linda Riley

At one point or another in our lives, we are all searching for that perfect mate. Relationships often start out well, but end poorly. Often we ignore what should be obvious “red-flags” that this person may not be the best choice for us. What are some of the common reasons for this?

1. Lacking the ability to evaluate the person’s character.

2. Being attracted to emotionally damaged people.

3. Getting sexually involved before we fully know the person.

4. Not establishing a foundation of friendship and trust.

5. Wanting it to work so badly that we accept being treated wrongly.

6. The inability to be alone, which makes us settle for anyone.

7. Not really listening when the person we’re dating talks about who they are, what they like and dislike, and what they believe and value.

8. Not really knowing ourselves well enough to be aware of what we need in a relationship.


We all have issues stemming from painful and disappointing life experiences, but some people avoid dealing with their issues and don’t take responsibility for their behavior. Personal growth is about striving to become a better and healthier person. Growing emotionally and mentally requires introspection and self-awareness. Really looking at who you are and thinking about who you want to be is a process that takes time, requires hard work, and in some instances, therapy. Many people would simply rather blame others or remain stuck; we need to look for people who take responsibility rather than deny or blame others.

If you have had a series of failed relationships, consider therapy as an insight-oriented way to better understand yourself and others. It could lead you to what you really desire: finding that perfect mate!

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