Marital Update!

Danger lurks behind the new iPhone 3.0 software

by Michael Smalley

I am not a paranoid person, but let me be perfectly clear, I’m a little paranoid about the implications surrounding the new 3.0 software upgrade for the iPhone. What is making me so nervous? I read a post this morning from Apple Insider where they reported, “Apple has given signs it may allow more risque software on the App Store once iPhone OS 3.0 and its enhanced parental locks become a reality”.

The phrase “enhanced parental locks” is what has gotten me so nervous (oh yeah, “risque” doesn’t exactly cheer me up either). The iPhone seems like it is going to make it easier to watch and experience porn directly on the phone through third party apps. The porn industry is a multi-billion dollar industry that I can assure you will take advantage of any loosening of the rules for content on the iPhone.

Porn destroys.

No matter how diluted our culture tries to make porn, like it is no big deal, it is a very big deal and a major problem in basically any category of violent crime, divorce, abuse, etc. I have an iPhone, and it is the greatest phone I’ve ever owned. If you know me, you know that is a big deal statement for me to make because I’ve owned many phones in my days (you might say I’m a cell phone addict).

Why is porn so destructive?

Because it objectifies women and men. So those who get addicted to porn (which is as powerful of an addiction as any hard core drug) start viewing women and men as merely objects to make them happy. That is why porn addicts can so easily commit heinous crimes against humanity, because in their mind, they are not attacking a person, they are merely attacking an object who they feel has little or no value.

I so desperately do not want porn to be a part of my life that I use a service called Covenant Eyes. (www.covenanteyes.com/) I want you all to know that I make no money for promoting Covenant Eyes, so this is truly a non biased review. I want you to check them out because filtering just does not work. It is not that the filtering companies are slacking on protecting us, it is just that filtering is insanely complicated to do correctly.

What I like about Covenant Eyes is that it is not a filtering service but rather an accountability service. All the program does is track your online activity and send a weekly report to an accountability partner of your choice. You do not want to visit porn sites because someone WILL find out about it and keep you accountable to your commitment not to view porn.

In my experience, the only way someone truly breaks free from the bondage of porn is to get in to a serious accountability relationship. Covenant Eyes easily provides the accountability you need to be successful.
Porn addiction is a killer

But you may be one of those people who really does not see a problem with porn. You may even watch porn with your spouse (and yes, I run in to this issue more than I care to run in to it). You’re thinking that porn hasn’t negatively effected your relationship, so what is the big deal? I say to you that porn is effecting your relationship, you just do not see it yet. Porn addiction and use is a slow, methodical killer that numbs you to the reality of the destruction going on around you. The meth addict says the same thing, by the way. Then one day they look in the mirror and see a shell of themselves and their teeth have rotted away.

Your sexual relationship needs boundaries because your sexual desire is never satisfied unless you tell it to be satisfied. Your sexual desire is like a wild animal that needs to be tamed. How many times have you read a report of someone who has raised a grizzly bear and then died at the claws of that same grizzly bear. Just like the wild grizzly, your sexual desires need to be contained and kept in a safe boundary.

Safe Sexual Boundaries

What does a safe boundary look like sexually? It looks like a husband and wife, committed to each other, and serving each other in bed. You can not allow your sexual desires to run rampant with selfishness. You must take on an attitude of kindness, servanthood, and caring in your sexual relationship with your spouse. This is what keeps your sexual morality from degrading in to something destructive.

The danger of this new iPhone update is that it may make finding and experiencing porn on your iPhone even easier than what it is today. I would recommend that if this becomes a reality, you allow a friend or accountability partner to set a password for the parental controls so that you can not access hurtful and inappropriate content. Hopefully the parental controls will be helpful and protective, but I would not count on it.


About the author: Michael and Amy Smalley have authored several best-selling relationship advice books including Communicating with Your Teen, The Men’s Relational Toolbox, the DNA of Relationships, More than a Match, and Don’t Date Naked. They have spoken to millions of people around the world through their live events, international evangelistic events, and special speaking. In 2006, they launched their Marriage Restoration Intensives, working hand-in-hand with couples to teach them valuable skills to maintain their marriages. Michael currently serves as the founder and Executive Director of the Smalley Marriage and Family Center in The Woodlands, just outside Houston, Texas. The center provides local counseling, special intensive marriage retreats, and training for professionals and lay-people. To learn more about their outreach to strengthen marriages, visit http://www.gosmalley.com/

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