What’s Wrong With You?

Since this isn’t e-bay, it is the LifeWorks web site, I am assuming (I know I know- never assume) that you are here because something is wrong. You are reading all about us with the hope someone in our group can do something to fix the situation. Worse still, someone around you has sent you to find someone at LifeWorks to fix you!

I had a client years ago whose husband told her everyday to find a counselor to “make her right”. Abbey* walked into my office with her head down and her spirit dragging behind her. I was her fourth attempt to find a counselor that could “make her right”. Three other professionals took her lead and reacted to the dejected appearance and faltering voice. The inevitable, beginning of a first session question, was then asked of Abbey “tell me what’s wrong”. Being too scared, ashamed, embarrassed, and confused to say much, the answer was always the same: “I don’t know”. Abbey would then proceed to tell the therapist her husband requested her to “get right” and an hour would be spent trying to define what “right” was. She left three other therapists feeling scared, ashamed, embarrassed and confused. When Abbey walked into my office her head was even lower and her spirit was left sitting in the car outside. I had seen this look hundreds of time before. I had also seen it in my mirror hundreds of times before. Because I had once found a therapist who knew what to say to me I knew what to say to Abbey. My first question was not “tell me what’s wrong” it was “tell me what’s happened to you”. I knew there was nothing “wrong” with Abbey to make “right”. Abbey was a victim of childhood trauma and had never had the help to work through the terror she still felt as a result. When I asked to tell me what had happened to her, Abbey started sobbing. Years of frustration vanished. Over the course of her therapy Abbey was able to tell me things she had never spoken about to anyone. The hurt child hidden inside was finally giving her voice and Abbey began the process of knowing a peace and a freedom she thought only existed for people who were “right”. From my perspective there is nothing wrong with any of you. It is what has happened to you that has caused you to take time and read about the Lifeworks Group.

Written by: Deedra Hunter is a Certified Eating Disorder Specialist and Licensed Mental Health Counselor who has also published a book called; Winning Custody: A Woman’s Guide to Retaining Custody of Her Children.

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