Living With Someone Who Has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
By: Christine Hammond
From the outside
looking in, things look perfect. That is precisely the impression a person with
Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) intends to give. They seem to
be the model spouse, parent, friend, and most especially employee. And they
have many rewards, honors, recognitions, and promotions to prove it. But things
are not what they seem from the inside looking out.
OCPD is not the
same thing as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). This article explains the
difference: http://pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted-woman/2016/05/difference-between-obsessive-compulsive-personality-disorder-and-obsessive-compulsive-disorder/.
For those living with a person who has OCPD, life is frustrating. There is a
sense that nothing the spouse or children can do is ever good enough for the
OCPD. The constant nitpicking, exactness, narrowmindedness, and rigidity over
insignificant matters can cause family members to feel as though they were
going crazy. Here are twelve ways that make them insufferable:
1. Well-groomed
and dressed. The first
evidence of an OCPD is their appearance. They are meticulous about how they are
groomed and dressed. They don’t need to be in the latest style (that is
frivolous spending) but they do strictly adhere to dress codes, even ones that
are unspoken.
2. Black
and white thinking.
There is no area of grey for OCPD. Things are either one way or another. This
often manifests in comparing meals, children, vacations, discussions, projects,
and many other areas. It is as if they need things to only be black and white
and therefore move anything that appears grey to one side or the other.
3. Need
to be “right”. OCPDs
believe there is a right way to do things and a wrong way, and they do the
right way. The difficulty is they tend to be analytical and therefore do
evaluate until they find the better method. Their primary love language is to
be told, “You were right.”
4. Inflexible
values. The black and
white thinking frequently results in an inflexible value system which is
designed by OCPDs. This is forced tightly on family members without any regard
for their opinions because they are “right”. They might listen for a minute but
then will lecture for hours explaining why their values are preferred.
5. Interrogates
for meaningless details.
OCPDs are obsessed with details. They tend to put little bits of random details
together to draw conclusions that are frequently inaccurate. But trying to tell
them their perception is in error will only result in more interrogation to
prove their point.
6. Obsessed
with rules and order. If
a rule exists, there must be a good reason for it and OCPDs expect everyone to
live by it. This includes non-spoken social rules, religious guidelines, dress
codes, and body language. There is little to no grace for the individuality of
another person because their rule is best.
7. Workaholic. Work is a place for OCPDs to excel
especially if their job demands attention to detail and strict adherence to
standards. The more positive feedback they get, the more time they invest. If
they are unsatisfied at work, this same process can be transferred to a hobby
or special interest. Nearly all of their conversations center on this area.
8. Miserly
spending habits. OCPDs
will spend money on things they want, but are miserly when it comes to other
members of the family. They frequently do budgets to the penny and like to
account for every dollar spent. Any unnecessary spending will be met with an
intense discussion.
9. Combs
trashcans for things discarded.
This is the most interesting aspect of OCPDs because it seems so
counterintuitive. They hate to throw things out for fear of needing them again
and border on hoarder mentality. In their obsessive thinking and miserly
spending, nothing can go to waste. A family member throwing out a worn out item
will frequently find it has returned “just in case they change their mind.”
10. Perfectionist. They insist on doing things so precisely
that frequently they are unable to complete tasks for which they cannot do
exactly right. The result is unfinished projects all over the house. There is
always some excuse for not completing it but they will never admit that it is
their own impossible standards that prohibit them from moving forward.
11. Micromanages. If an OCPD delegates a task, they insist
that it be done their way or not at all. Every aspect of a project is
micromanaged by OCPDs to the point that others give up. This then justifies the
hidden desire to do everything themselves because no one can do it as good as
them.
12. Stubborn. Trying to get an OCPD to see that the
above areas are problematic is nearly impossible. They literally have to be on
the verge of losing a job, marriage, or child before they are willing to see
things through another lens. Their stubbornness is so ingrained that all they
can see is their rightness.
All hope is not
lost. Just because someone displays these symptoms does
not mean things can’t be different. It can be but it literally is a process of
one small area at a time. OCPDs cannot change everything at once (their ego
cannot handle that blow), rather it must be done incrementally.
To schedule an appointment with Christine Hammond, please
call our office at 407-647-7005.
