The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

This article is inspired by an interesting read. Suzette Hagen Elgin, in her book The Gentle Art of Verbal Self- Defense, reminds us that the old adage, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me” does not necessarily hold true. Words can hurt and when they do, they hurt terribly. Many of us have a working knowledge of forms of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual etc). How acquainted are we with verbal abuse? Could this be a form of abuse that we experience daily, be it on the receiving or giving end? Who do you call when you experience verbal violence? According to Elgin, when someone has been verbally abused, they often find themselves struggling to find the root of the pain and aggression that they feel, directing their anger inward rather than toward their aggressor. Very few of us are trained in verbal self-defense. There are four basic principles of verbal self-defense. Know when you are under attack How easy is it for us to exit a conversation...

After we fade into the distance, our children will have the pictures we’ve left behind. Dad, you’d be captivated – and learn something – by reading a great children’s book. It’s called The Memory Box (Whitman), written by Mary Bahr and illustrated by David Cunningham. It’s a great-tugging story that communicates a clear challenge for every father. The book tells about a boy’s relationship with his grandfather, captured during a summer vacation at his grandparents’ cabin. The grandfather has just learned he has Alzheimer’s disease, and he wants to make sure important memories won’t be forgotten. “It was your Great-Gram who told me about the Memory Box,” Gramps says. It’s a special box that stores family tales and traditions. An old person and a young person fill the box together. That way, no matter what happens to the old person, the memories are saved forever.” For the rest of the grandson’s vacation, you can ...

The Bible tells us that children are a gift and a blessing. Research tells us that marriage has many positive effects on children, but are children handicapped by a weak marriage? Among other advantages, children who live with happily married parents are: 1. Less likely to be seriously abused 2. Less likely to end up breaking the law or going to jail 3. Less likely to be depressed or have other mental problems 4. More likely to stay in school and do better academically 5. Less likely to have developmental and/or behavioral problems 6. Less likely to use drugs and be sexually active People are essentially lonely and can feel very isolated in modern life without the refuge of marriage and family. Family provides a haven from loneliness wherein we can feel accepted, loved and valued. Intimate relationships are built on the security of these feelings and when marriages don’t function properly they compromise the family’s ability to provide children with the acceptanc...

I must confess that I absolutely adore children. No lie. Ever since I was a child myself, I have enjoyed holding little babies, playing with toddlers, and interacting with elementary age kids. Heck, I even love spending large amounts of time with teenagers, which most people believe qualifies me for an institution (and not an institution of higher learning, either). When I was as young as 8 or 10 years old, I was volunteering to work in our church nursery. At age 15, I was willing to wash hundreds of dishes just so I could go to as many weeks of camp in the summer as I could. As a teenager, I was working as a member of faculty for weeks of camp where I could work with kids. At around that same age, I began to pray to God that He would allow me to have a family of my own someday. I know it seems unusual but, here I was, fourteen or fifteen years old and already hoping to have my own kids. Well, it took me longer than I expected but those prayers were finally answered in the affirmative....

My last article focused on the growing issue of mother/son conflict and the response I have gotten has confirmed the trends I am seeing between moms and their boys. However, it is important for me to note that the relationship between fathers and their sons is still primary to emotional health and the overall development of boys. In this article, I want to caution all of us dads out there to make sure we don’t put the “cart ahead of the horse”. You know, make sure first things are first when dealing with our sons. This is a sensitive area because the truth is that many of us guys don’t have a clear idea of how to build a healthy relationship with our boys. The reason for this is because many of us had fathers that were equally uncomfortable in the process of building intimate relationships. It is so true that many of us grew up with dads who were much more comfortable in their roles at work than they were in their roles at home. In general, men have more difficulty than w...

Oh, how things can change. Maybe it’s all in my head but I am noticing a dramatic shift in parent/child conflict lately. It used to be that I would work with teenage guys and their big issue would be with a demanding and overbearing father. The common problem was that their dad was always wanting to control them and was in their business all the time and that these boys never could live up to their dad’s expectations. I would see lots of anger come out in these boys but, in this scenario, there was also a strong underlying sense of pride in their fathers and the urge to relate to them in a powerful way. I would have to say that this scenario was the norm for a long time. I believe I am noticing a real shift in the issues I see now amongst adolescent guys. Not that there are no controlling or overbearing fathers anymore. This is still a fairly common issue that I deal with in the counseling room. But, there has been a subtle but very noticeable movement in our culture. I dare say that t...

I’m sure that many of you who are reading this would LOVE to answer the question of what makes a man do what he does. I would dare say that this is a burning question in the hearts of many of those readers who might be, well...........of another gender. Just as men often question why females act the way they do, women have to wonder why on earth the men they love handle life in the strange and mysterious ways they do. Certainly, there are many facets and underlying factors in what drives a man to pursue life in a particular manner. I mean, we’re truly not the simpletons we are painted out to be, are we? (Notice I am now writing in 1st person, as I fit into the “male” category). Actually, “simple” is the last way I would describe my fellow comrades. In being truthful, every man is different and every man is unique; each of us develop our ways of coping from a combination of natural temperament and the environmental factors we were exposed to as we developed. It would not be fair ...