Don’t Argue: Use These 9 Rules of Engagement
By: Christine Hammond, LMHC, NCC It was clear that after 7 years of marriage, Jack and Jill still loved each other. But the way they solved problems, or rather, the way they didn’t solve problems, was destroying their marriage. The last argument ended in a physical altercation and a wrestling match that left them ashamed and humiliated. Neither had ever engaged in this manner before so the shock of how quickly they escalated took them by surprise. Jack and Jill lived in an upper middle-class neighborhood with their two preschool kids. They came from stable families, had satisfying careers, and enjoyed spending time together as a family. But years of pent-up unresolved issues came bubbling to the surface over a minor dishwasher loading offense that resulted in broken dishes and a tumble on the floor. Committed to never allow this to happen again, they willingly came into therapy. The first agreement was to establish new rules for engagement going forward. Instead of ca