Friday, May 27, 2011

Natural Disaster Recovery Guide-Part 3

By Dwight Bain

What can people expect in the weeks ahead?
"Hurry up and wait," will be the motto that a lot of people will think about in the days ahead. This is because the daily life activities like filling up a gas tank, taking a warm shower, or driving through a busy intersection with working traffic lights, have been dramatically disrupted. Life is usually out of balance for weeks or sometimes even months after a major disaster, and while no one likes it, we all have to get through it.

There may be long lines for many of the basic products or services necessary to survive or care for our loved ones; so prepare now for the fact that may be difficult at times. Major storms can kill hundreds of people, shatter billboards, rip traffic lights from their poles, splinter trees, shred awnings or screen rooms, rip apart electric-cable-phone-Internet transmission lines, snap off traffic signs, seriously damage thousands of homes and cause millions to sometimes even billions of dollars in damage where they hit, (like Hurricane Katrina did to the Gulf coast a few years ago). The more people and communities that are seriously affected the longer it takes for some things to even be evaluated for repair and significantly longer than that for them to be replaced. It is wise to mentally prepare for the fact that the damage from a major storm could take weeks to clean up and months to perhaps even a year to rebuild from.

Know that this will be hard on everyone involved but we can get through it with a lot less stress if we work together. Here's a formula to help victims recover from this type of crisis event faster. It spells out the word "P.A.T." which stands for

Patience- Things are going to take a lot longer than normal. Focus on the reality of why things are disorganized or confusing after the storm, instead of getting angry at everything that doesn't go your way. The more you let your anger build, the more likely you will dump it on the people you love. That is irresponsible and wrong, so don't do it! Deal directly with the pressure of this recovery time by building a deeper understanding of the situation and what you can actually do about it, instead of feeling angry and helpless about what you can't do anything about right now during this time of disaster recovery. Being moody and continually irritated will not make things better for anyone, but it can make a bad situation worse for everyone involved. Why add more stress to an already over-stressed situation?

Attitude-In a crisis situation you can't afford to waste even a drop of valuable resources like water or gasoline-and you should be equally cautious about wasting emotional energy by worrying about things you can't change. It's time to go with the flow of difficult situations, instead of trying to fight against it. You can't control the fact that this difficult situation has happened, and if you try it hyper-control something as big as a natural disaster it will only lead to greater levels of anxiety and stress for you. Better to keep focused on positive things like counting your blessings instead of counting your problems. Anxiety, stress, worry and chronic sleep loss can take a bad situation like this one and turn it into an abusive, or out of control one in a matter of days. Protect your attitude and you will significantly protect your ability to deal with the challenges that lie ahead.

Trust-This one is hard because people tend to feel angry and resentful in the days and weeks after a critical incident. However, it is essential to know that the construction and recovery crews responsible to take action to repair the daily life activities we tend to take for granted, (like electricity, water, gas, phone and cable services), are already working 24/7 shifts to accomplish that important goal of rebuilding basic services that were disrupted by the disaster.

This includes staff from the power company, phone company, tree services, cell phone providers, cable television workers, Internet providers, insurance adjusters, FEMA workers, the department of transportation workers replacing signs and traffic lights, fire fighters, police officers, doctors, nurses, school board officials, grocery store workers, gas station attendants, yard debris collectors and on and on. Trust that everyone is doing the best that they can to get things back on track. Emergency repair crews often work double time to get our homes, schools and businesses back on track-count on it. Even better, stop and thank them with your kids if you have a chance. A kind word of “thanks” goes a long way to reduce the stress and frustration that these professionals feel in rebuilding and maintaining essential services in our community.


Is it okay to talk about what happened to our family with others?
Silence is not golden in a critical incident, rather, it's dangerous. One of the best things you can do to help yourself and help others is to tell your story. Talk about where you were when the storm came through. Talk about how you and your loved ones made it through the crisis to the other side. Keep talking and make it a point to listen carefully as you hear the stories of others who survived this terrible storm. This is important for everyone involved, kids, grandparents, moms, dads, employees, employers, firefighters, police officers, nurses, teachers, students and on and on. Everyone has a story about how they got through a major disaster and telling it helps them heal and may give you a new chance to connect with your family, neighbors and coworkers in a powerful way. Also, don't miss asking your own pastor, priest, rabbi, or spiritual caregiver to share their story; since many times these professionals are so busy listening to the needs of others, they neglect to take time to reduce the stress that they feel.

Why do some people seem to become bitter or hateful after a crisis like this one, instead of just being grateful to be alive?
A major disaster “dumps out” whatever is inside of a person, so you will see the best and the worst of behavior happening in the days ahead. A critical incident or natural disaster that overwhelms an entire community creates an equal sized emotional reaction in people, so be prepared for some unusual reactions in yourself and the people around you. Sometimes people who were the most hurting before the storm will act wonderful and kind on the other side of recovering from this type of traumatic event. It's like they find a hidden strength in a crisis and reach out to others in a new way. Others just go numb and will seem to act like robots. Some people will get loud and others will become unusually quiet. There are many reasons for the wide range of emotional response; with a common factor being how many difficult and traumatic experiences they may have already witnessed in their lives. Hopefully, some people may have already sorted through these deep hurts and strong emotions before a killer storm hits. If so, they may have a deeper understanding of the need for compassion to others in a crisis. They understand about the storms in life and react with kindness, sometimes it may even seem to come automatically for them to reach out with positive emotions instead of being critical.

Other people can get completely cutting, hateful and mean in everything that they say and do, even if they weren't that way before the storm. They may even try to chase you off with a broom if you try to help them clean up the broken limbs in their yard! Don't panic, they probably aren't having a breakdown, rather it's likely a behavior some people call being ‘hardhearted.’ This comes from year’s worth of unresolved past hurts being piled up and never addressed or resolved. Try not to take it personally if the criticism comes your way. Remember the rule that "hurt people- hurt people" and then take their negative comments with a ‘grain of salt’ while still attempting to maintain integrity in caring for others who may be able to receive the offer of a helping hand to get through this difficult time.


What is survivor guilt and how does it negatively impact people?
Thousands of people who didn't lose power, have their homes damaged or lose basic services often feel uncomfortable with being blessed instead of being grateful for their blessings. Remember to manage your affairs at home and then at work in a responsible way, and to pace yourself through the process. Doing too much/too soon can exhaust you and limit your ability to live out your priorities in your immediate family. Helping others at the expense of protecting and helping your own family seems right after a disaster, but it is wrong because it misplaces the important priority of caring for those closest to you first, (there are emergency exceptions to that rule at times). Best is to pace yourself in the race to recover and rebuild. Hurricane or flood seasons come to an end, but if you over do-things you may end up hurting yourself and make your own future a lot worse. If your home is okay and you can get to work, be the happiest person in your neighborhood and if you only suffered minor storm damage don't allow the inconveniences of daily life, like having to do without hot water or cable television for a while, get you down.


So many people are worse off than me- how can I decide who to help?Help others when you can, but not at the expense of making your situation worse. A simple way to decide who to help and when it might be wrong to offer assistance is to consider these three key elements.

Evaluate Relationship-First determine your level of relationship to the people in need. Begin with ‘self-care’ and practice the steps to keep yourself safe in the recovery and rebuilding process. If you get seriously hurt trying to help someone else, you haven’t really helped anyone and in fact may make a bad situation much worse for everyone. Once you know that you are safe and stable, then reach out to offer help your closest relationships, which are usually the people you live with or around. This includes your family, children, marriage partner, elder adults who may live with or near you and your dearest friends. Not everyone outside of your closest ‘circle’ may need your help or assistance, but it’s wise to ask them just in case.

Once you get past those closest to you, then you can reach out to offer assistance to those in need you may know in your neighborhood, church or workplace. After you are able to help the people you know at that level of relationship, then you can reach out to those you may be less connected to in your community, state or region of the country. Everyone has needs, and it is for certain that everyone affected by the disaster will need some level of help to get through this storm recovery process. ‘Lone rangers’ wear out fast and eventually can’t help anyone, so help others when you can and allow them to help you as the level of relationship allows. No one can rebuild after this kind of disaster alone and as you come alongside to help others, or allow them to help you a greater sense of relationship and connection will develop which makes you both stronger.

Measure Resources-If you are attempting to reach out to help others, you need to first evaluate what resources you have to work with. These are the very limited supplies of time, energy and money. Most people have to maintain responsibility to the important elements of their jobs no matter what the storm damage may have done to their place of business. So If you are in a situation that requires a 50 or sometimes even 60 hour a week commitment during the storm rebuilding process, you will have very limited supplies of time and energy at the end of the day to help others in need. Wise financial planning may have given you a nest egg to draw from, but no one has enough money to solve all the crisis events in our world. If you don’t have the resources of time, energy and money to responsibly care for you and those who depend on you, it would be wrong to spend those resources on strangers. Don’t let the crisis events of others you may see on a television news story get in the way of caring for those closest to you. As you wisely manage your home resources in connection to your circle of closest friends and family members – everyone can grow stronger after the storm.

Do the Right Thing- After you have determined the level of relationship in need and then measured the resources available to help, then you are ready to apply these three questions necessary to wisely help others impacted by the storm.

1) Is there a Rule? Consider if this situation falls under the guidelines of an accepted standard in our society, such as a law, statue, spiritual principle or guideline. For instance, if I’m in a hurry and racing to get to a store to buy storm supplies and cause an automobile accident it’s clearly my fault and I have to pay for the damages. However, many issues that arise out of a disaster aren’t very easy to understand and don’t fit into commonly known laws, statutes or principles. When that happens, ask yourself the next question.

2) Is it Responsible? Does the situation that you are considering getting involved in make common sense or seem to be a wise use of time, energy or money as discussed earlier? If it seems impulsive or poorly thought out, wisdom would suggest that waiting until a better plan could be developed would bring better and longer lasting results. This approach also helps prevent a lot of accidents after a disaster because considering the responsible path may prevent bad decisions that were well meaning, but brought more problems than solutions. Like when a well meaning person buys a chainsaw to cut a tree off of a neighbor’s house and hasn’t stopped to realize that they have never used a chain saw! There are often more accidents or deaths in the days after a major disaster because of irresponsible or impulsive decisions. Prevent that by taking time to seriously think through what your involvement will actually accomplish. As a wise carpenter once said, “measure twice-cut once.”

3) Is it Reasonable? Consider the real reasons that have led you to believe that you are the best person to jump in to help others in this situation. Do you have the skill set, the experience or training to perform certain tasks that you are considering? An example of this would be well meaning people who show up to help after an accident, but don’t have the medical training to even know what to do, or people who really want to help with patching holes in roofs or removing tree limbs tangled up in power lines. It is unreasonable and irresponsible to place yourself into a dangerous situation that you aren’t prepared to deal with. A better approach is to assess what you reasonably can do right now and then do it. (Some examples would be calling 911 to get someone medical help, or waiting in line for ice and bottled water for a neighbor, or doing five loads of laundry for someone who doesn’t have electricity, or letting someone use your cell phone to call their family members to let them know that they are safe after the storm, or offering to buy lunch at a fast-food restaurant for a tired mother with small children who just need to get out of a hot house for a few hours to take a break). There are countless things that you can do to add value in a crisis situation without being in the wrong place at the wrong time; which creates problems for others. Taking reasonable action brings positive results.

Following these steps will allow you to grow stronger through the storm, while helping others to grow along with you on the journey of rebuilding a community after the storm.


What should people consider when first returning to their homes after being evacuated before the storm?
You need to mentally prepare for the loss by remembering that things in this life can be damaged by wind, water, fire and falling trees. Our lives and the lives of those that we love are much more valuable than anything in our homes. Whatever the destruction looks like now, remember that it can and eventually will be repaired in time. Keep repeating to yourself phrases like, "It's just stuff anyway," or "the more things you have, the more things have you," or even "our family is safe-and that's all that matters since the rest is just a house that can be replaced." Changing your mind about things will allow you to control your most powerful asset, your own internal drives, personal beliefs and choices, which is the emotional "grid": that all other emotions go through. Change that, and you will be able to make even more positive changes in your daily life.


What final thought can you give to encourage us through this recovery process?
Stress can lead you to a greater level of success if you allow it; which is the primary focus you need to grow through a difficult situation like this one. You will make it through the crisis and you will survive if you take action to connect to your supports, use positive coping skills and develop the mindset of looking for strength beyond the storm. The biggest part of this process is to reach out and link arms with others who were impacted by this storm just like you were. Supporting others gives you a significantly greater level of strength than if you ever tried to stand alone through the crisis. Finding strength in storms by linking arms with others is what the massive Redwood trees in California do to withstand incredible pressure.

Redwoods are massive trees…many are over 300 feet high, and yet only have root systems that go 4-5 feet deep. Why don't they fall over in a gentle breeze? Simple. The mighty Redwoods never grow alone. They link their roots together and withstand ten times the stress and pressure because they are not alone in the storm. They need each other to stand strong and so do we. A major crisis gives us a chance to stand strong together, just like the Redwoods do. This is our time to get focused, build healthy coping skills into our daily life and be surrounded by strong people who have the heart and resources to stand firm by living out what they believe. And it’s time for you to stand alongside them as we all come together to rebuild our community after the storm.

No matter what the size of crisis event, you can find strength after the storm because moving beyond the stress is the beginning of finding greater success. Following the action steps in this resource guide will allow you to begin building strength back into your personal and professional life in spite of the storms. As you grow stronger you can tell others, which will encourage them to press on as they rebuild their lives, right next to yours. Stronger people create stronger communities and that is the journey you have already begun. I encourage you to stay with it as you build an even stronger life after the storm.


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Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint.

"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2011), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.

Natural Disaster Recovery Guide-Part 2: Kids

Kids and Natural Disasters

By Dwight Bain

How does a critical incident like this affect kids?
It depends on the age of the child. The younger the child, the more they look to their parents for emotional security and strength. If a Mom or Dad are “shell-shocked" or “numb” and not able to manage their own emotions or responsibilities; the child will feel that pressure and become very confused and further stressed. Remember, it's normal to be overwhelmed by a major disaster. This is why it's so important to take care of yourself in order to take care of your children and those your care about through the long period of recovery and rebuilding after the storm.


Think about the advice given on commercial airliners to parents traveling with small children. “Should there be an unexpected cabin de-pressurization; oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Place the mask over your nose and mouth like this and then place the mask over the mouth and nose of those around you needing assistance.” Take care of your own emotional needs first, and then you will be in a stronger position to help those around you. If you feel overwhelmed in giving your children or others who may depend on you for support, please ask for help. It's okay to be tired, worn out and overly stressed. That's normal after a natural disaster. However, it's not okay to ignore caring for the needs of those counting on you like children, the elderly or pets. Sometimes a parent may need to make adjustments at work or change their own schedules for a while by delegating some tasks in order to have time and energy to help their children avoid feeling more pressure from the difficult experience that surviving a major disaster brings. If you feel that your caregiver ‘tank’ is empty, let someone else help you for a while until you get your strength back. That's best for you and for those that you care about.


When you can focus and dedicate attention to understanding the needs of young children, notice what they are saying, drawing or doing to determine if they are still feeling overly stressed from the storm.


School age kids need to talk, draw pictures or take positive action, (like having a lemonade stand to raise money for kids just like them who are now storm victims because their homes were destroyed), so if you give them something to do to help, they can take positive action and sort through their emotions immediately.


High school age kids may try to act "cool" about everything, but often are more scared about the changes, losses and confusion than any other group. They are older and may need to experience a bit more "reality" at times to loosen up their ability to talk about what is happening around them. If they are willing to talk to their siblings, other family members, clergy or counselors it often doesn’t take very long before they can grow strong enough to deal with their emotions and get back to feeling like themselves again.

The greatest danger sign to be alert and aware of is by noticing any dramatic changes in behavior. If a child was always happy go lucky before the storm and now sits all day to watch video footage of the world’s disasters on the news or weather channels- then you may want to figure out why they made such a dramatic shift in personality. Watch for other major changes in sleep patterns, school patterns, school performance, peer relations and so on. If you see major changes that concern you, it's time to seek professional attention for the child with their pediatrician or with a child behavioral specialist


What are some ways to help our kids talk about storm stress?You can reach out to children in many ways to help them deal with this stressful time of rebuilding after the storm. Talking, writing, drawing, even making up a song about the experience with the disaster will make the time pass more quickly, and may even lighten someone else's load of emotional pain and difficulty while helping you back through the process. Some families even play board games like the "worst case scenario," (which is based on actual survival information from a book by the same name). Many of the issues discussed in the game aren't likely to happen to the majority of people on the planet, (such as how to survive a shark attack), however, talking about any crisis event in life can help kids learn the basics of moving from the panic of basic survival to building strengths through problem solving.


Are there any “hidden dangers” in media that parents should be concerned about that might make the storm stress worse?
Too much media exposure is dangerous for kids. It is better to get a media "news update" once or perhaps at the most, twice a day to avoid the danger of media over-exposure. Leaving the news on all the time will depress the mood of the person who hears it; since deep down inside we learn to go "numb" to the normal emotions of the stressful event, to press on and burn reserve energy in the process. If your child didn't watch the morning news programs before the hurricane or tornadoes hit, be cautious about allowing them to watch TV news alone or having long blocks of unaccounted time with too much isolation. Best is to sort through media outlets-like television, Internet, radio or newspapers, which may contain content that is overly stressful or just too depressing for a child. Then set boundaries to protect them from additional stress in media stories, since it is important to protect their home and minds by managing the media around them.


It's wise to move from negatives to positives in highly charged and difficult situations like storm recovery. We have all seen enough negative images to last a lifetime and yet the media will often play scenes from a disaster over again and again. Also, parents and kids can sit down and discuss why they really need to have so many media and entertainment services available in their homes. Many families found that not having the Internet, cable television and loud music playing in their homes all the time while being without electricity after the storm allowed them to reconnect as a family with much greater communication. By sitting down and discussing these issues your home can be a more positive place, by creating more positive energy to mange the stress of recovering from this crisis situation.


Since watching other peoples problems in other parts of the country will cause more stress in an already stressful situation it's better to focus on your responsibilities today, right here in your own community. When things in your life are strong again, you and your family won't be as affected by the images of crisis from other places. But that's another day, so for now as you recover, it’s better to focus on getting you and your kids though the day that you have been handed without making it harder because of the hidden stress of media overexposure.


Also, the same principles apply for the aged as for anyone else. Seniors often can spend a tremendous amount of time in front of negative media images which can be harmful to their wellbeing. Better to get involved in helping others, praying for those affected or donating to help as you can than to become overwhelmed with the stressors of others by becoming desensitized from media over-exposure.


Is it wise to involve kids in the clean up and recovery process?
If it is physically safe for everyone, ** I encourage the entire family to visit their damaged home together. It is okay to do clean up and recovery work together as well, since this storm is bigger than any one person could clean up anyway. Stressful events like this can make a marriage or family stronger than ever, because instead of just one person dealing with the loss, the entire family can join in to deal with it together. It's wrong to play the “hero” and try to do everything by yourself as a parent or legal guardian for children because it models being a lone ranger during a crisis.


The ‘lone ranger’ mentality eventually leads to someone becoming the ‘lonely ranger’ because you can't get through a crisis alone, nor should you try. We need each other more than ever to successfully manage crisis events like natural disasters. Another reason why this is so important is that viewing the destruction firsthand, (obviously in age appropriate ways), is one of the best ways to allow children to see how dangerous storms can be. And the most important reason to model this behavior to our younger kids is because they learn from their earliest childhood that families who stick together through the entire process can get through it better and faster than those who go it alone.


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*IMPORTANT NOTICE! *
Think about the term, “childproofed home” as you determine what environment would be safe for your youngest children or grandchildren to be walking through or around. If they normally aren't around power tools or gas powered construction equipment like generators or chain-saws, then this is not the time to introduce them to it. Be safe and don't make a stressful situation worse by risking physical injury to yourself, your children or those you care about.

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On another note, keep your repair work in perspective with your life priorities. Remember that it is impossible to fix everything in a day, so to risk emotional injury to your children or spouse by yelling, screaming or shouting during the clean up process isn’t worth it. By pacing yourself and working at the rebuilding process together as a family, you can grow closer on the other side of the storm. Blow up with rage at the people you are closest to and you may risk damaging a relationship that is far more valuable than your roof ever could be.

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Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint.

"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2011), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.

Natural Disaster Recovery Guide-Part 1

Strategies to Rebuild your Life, Home & Business


By Dwight Bain

Storms can be deadly. That's why emergency weather management facilities send out such serious warnings ahead of time to protect the lives of our children, homes and communities. We know to stay inside during severe weather and to unplug our televisions and computers because we know that in bad weather bad things can happen. We know to prepare ahead of time by keeping a watchful eye on tracking the storm and stocking up on the resources needed to get through it safely, like flashlight batteries, bottled water, first aid kits and other essential survival supplies. However, what we usually don’t know is how to deal with the devastating emotions that come after a terrible storm hits. Emotions like stress, anger, worry, depression, anxiety and panic are common in our busy world but can build up to dangerous levels after a critical incident, which often can lead to disastrous results.


Natural disasters can destroy entire communities in just a few moments, while the recovery process to rebuild from a major critical incident may take weeks or months to sort through. The more you know about how to survive after the storm, the faster you can take positive action to get your personal and professional life back on track. Since natural disasters like hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, fires and floods are among the biggest and most destructive forces that impact people living in the United States; what can you do right now to cope with the psychological impact of a major storm before or after it makes landfall?


The most important thing to focus on is this:

“DON'T MAKE A BAD SITUATION WORSE!”

Keep this single thought in mind as you begin to sort through the process of stabilizing yourself and those you care about who have been impacted by the storm. During the storm the goal is to be safe while surviving whatever nature throws your way; blistering heat, the ground quaking under your feet or your house being gale force winds and rain. After the disaster is over and the storm passes, the goal is to quickly rebuild the normal life routines that you had in your personal and professional life before the storm hit. If you get focused on rebuilding, you will be able to spend your energy in positive ways instead of being in a mental fog of confusion, mingled with panic or regret.


Dealing directly with your emotions will reduce the tension and stress on you, which allows you to have more energy to deal with a difficult situation. However, if you stuff your fears and frustrations in a major disaster, your emotions can quickly blow up without warning. Exploding in rage on your children, your marriage partner or a volunteer at a water station will only make a difficult situation worse. It’s not their fault, and it’s not yours. Natural disasters are a terrible situation full of loss and difficulty for everyone. By taking action now you can move beyond feeling overwhelmed by intense stress, anger or confusion. As you follow the insight from this recovery guide, you will be taking positive steps to rebuild with the focused energy of an even stronger life for you and your family after the storm.


To best survive the storm, you need a strong combination of three key elements

- healthy coping skills

- healthy supports and a

- healthy perspective

of how to rebuild after a natural disaster. While things will never be the same as they were before the storm; the following guidelines will give you the key elements needed to get past the overwhelming stress and to find even greater strength on the other side.


What are the dangerous warning signs of “Storm Stress Syndrome”? Stress from the storm affects everyone however; it becomes dangerous to our health if it goes on for an extended period of time. Storm Stress can affect adults, children, the elderly and even pets, so it is important to be alert to watch for the danger signs of the psychological condition called, ‘Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder’, (commonly referred to as PTSD), in yourself, your family members and coworkers. In natural disasters like hurricanes or tornadoes, I refer to the rapid build up of these symptoms as “Storm Stress Syndrome”. These symptoms include any dramatic change in emotions, behavior, thought patterns or physical symptoms over the next few days, weeks or even months. Since natural disasters are a terribly stressful time for everyone, both during and after the storm and often remain stressful for some time to come, there are a number of factors to be aware of to keep yourself and those who you care about safe.


Storm Stress Warning Signs
These signs are indicators that the intense stress from the critical incident is beginning to overwhelm the individual. The longer the stress symptoms occur-the greater the severity of the traumatic event on the individual. This does not imply craziness or personal weakness; rather, it simply indicates that the stress levels from the storm were too powerful for the person to manage and their body is reacting to the abnormal situation of having survived a major trauma.


It’s normal to feel completely overwhelmed by a natural disaster like a hurricane; however there are danger signs to watch for in yourself or others that may indicate psychological trauma. Adults or children who display any of the following stress symptoms may need additional help dealing with the events of this crisis. It is strongly recommended that you seek the appropriate medical or psychological assistance if you see a lot of of the physical, emotional, cognitive or behavioral symptoms listed below in you, your coworkers, or someone in your family or home, especially if these symptoms weren’t present before the storm.


Physical Symptoms: Chills, thirst, fatigue, nausea, fainting, vomiting, dizziness, weakness, chest pain, headaches, elevated blood pressure, rapid heart rate, muscle tremors, difficulty breathing, shock symptoms, and so on.

Emotional Symptoms: Fear, guilt, grief, panic, denial, anxiety, irritability, depression, apprehension, emotional shock, and feeling overwhelmed, loss of emotional control, and so on.

Cognitive Symptoms:Confusion, nightmares, uncertainty, hyper-vigilance, suspiciousness, intrusive images, poor problem solving, poor abstract thinking, poor attention/memory and concentration, disorientation of time, places or people, difficulty identifying objects or people, heightened or lowered alertness, and so on.

Behavioral Symptoms:Withdrawal, antisocial acts, inability to rest, intensified pacing, erratic movements, changes in social activity, changes in speech patterns, loss of or increase of appetite, increased alcohol consumption, and so on.


If you are in doubt about these symptoms in your life, or someone you care about, it is wise to seek the care of a physician or certified mental health professional. Better to actively deal with the stressful emotions directly to help yourself and your loved ones to immediately cope with this crisis because these emotions tend to worsen and get more intense if left untreated. Remember that there are many experienced professionals who can help you recover during a time of crisis. You do not have to go through this alone.


Take action now to prevent stress after the storm from continuing to overwhelm you or the people you care about. Call a trusted friend to talk through it, reach out to clergy, or call your family doctor or counselor. If you don't know someone to call about these emotional issues, you can reach out for assistance by calling telephone hotlines which are offered at no cost to you. These numbers are often posted by local media, hospitals, the American Red Cross, the Salvation Army or FEMA. If you, or someone you care about are feeling overwhelmed by stress, anxiety, guilt or grief it's important to make the call for assistance now to learn how to get past the pressure to begin to feel ‘okay’ again.


How can I help my family get back to “normal” after a major disaster?Hurricanes, tornadoes, fires, floods and earthquakes are often the most destructive events that a person can experience in a lifetime. These types of storms are also among the most expensive disasters to recover from financially because of being out of work or not having enough insurance coverage to replace what the storm destroyed. It may take months to perhaps even a year for everyone to feel that things are back to “normal.” The actual psychological impact of the storm will vary widely between people based on factors like- age, their previous experiences with storm recovery and most significantly how much stress they already had in their life before the storm. The more stress someone had in their life prior to the storms, the longer it takes to recover, and with the additional stress of daily life coupled with the rise in gasoline prices the stress levels have dramatically increased on everyone affected by these storms.

Here are some immediate ways to bring order and calmness back into your life after the chaos and confusion that follows a natural disaster like these hurricanes.


1) Reconnect in relationships -
You can't get through a crisis alone. Since we all were impacted differently, it is vitally important to talk about the stress and pressures you have experienced with the people closest to you. Reach out to friends and family as soon as possible, and call people you haven't heard from in a while. Just checking in to see if they are okay will only take a few minutes, but it will empower and help both of you. Simply talk about what each of you experienced through the disaster and how you got through the storm. Tremendous connection can occur through crisis, so this is an especially good time to reach out to friends or family who may have drifted away from your closest circle of relationships. Take action now to reach out to people with words of encouragement and support, but don't wait for someone else to call you-their phone may not work! Go find them and then reconnect the relationship while helping each other rebuild.


2) Rebuild your routines-
This is one of the most important factors to quickly get life back on track because we all draw strength and security from a structured daily routine. Bed time, dinner time, getting up to go to school, or work, or church or the gym to work out. To regain strength quickly identify what your normal routines were before the storm-and then get back to them as soon as possible. Even if you are staying in a hotel, shelter or with family members for a while, stick with the rituals that you have typically followed that make up your daily lifestyle. This way you will feel the comfort of your stable and predictable routines, regardless of the stress of the many changes happening around you.


3) Reach out for faith-
In times of crisis everyone believes in the power of prayer and the importance of their faith. There is tremendous strength in knowing what you believe and living in harmony with those beliefs and values. Plugging back into your faith after the storm will allow you to release anxiety over the things that you know are too big for you, because you can trust God to handle them. Dedicate a few minutes or perhaps even an hour per day to quiet mediation and reflection on what matters most if you want to continue to grow strong in spite of the storm. This is especially important when you or your children may feel lost, alone or afraid. God cares and taking time to pray and release those burdens will help you make it through the rest of your day. Many churches and houses of faith have disaster and recovery teams, support services and even financial assistance available to help their members cope with the crisis. Helping others in need is one of the greatest ways people of faith model what they believe, so avoid the tendency of being “too nice” to ask for help if you need it. Having a committed personal faith combined with the connection of a local house of worship will give you a tremendous sense of community to get through this storm as well as the ones to come.


4) Retell your story-
Young and old alike will benefit from hearing about how other people survived what will likely be the worst natural disaster they will ever experience. There is tremendous power in telling your story; healing power for you and helpful power for others who will gain insight and strength by hearing how creative people can become through the crisis. As you speak up about what happened, it will make it easier for other family members or coworkers to talk about their feelings of loss as well. Things will never be the same as before, but life will go on and we can rebuild and get through it better together. Telling your story now will give you additional strength as well as connect you to the neighbors and friends as they share their story with you.

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Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint.

"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2011), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"

About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.

Friday, May 06, 2011

Second Chances with God

(Editor’s note: this is a transcript of a message given by Dwight Bain during the Easter Sunrise service at Sea World in the Bayside Stadium, April 24, 2011)

I’ve been praying for you and our time together this morning for months, praying that this message would add value to your journey because I believe your life is actually an incredible story, it’s not boring, it’s an adventure, maybe more of an adventure than you want… but I still love a great story and don’t we all love great stories?

Our family loves movie nights when we can fly back in time in a DeLorean with Doc Brown across the time/space continuum to good old 1955. Or visit a Galaxy far, far away a long time ago during Star Wars to hear these famous words… (Heavy Breathing), “Luke, I am your Father.” or Climb the mountains of Middle Earth on a quest toward Mordor with Frodo, Gandalf, Sam, Gimli & Aragorn in “Lord of the Rings” Or hear Peter, one of the sons of Adam, as he raises his sword on the battlefield toward the White Witch and shouts, “For Narnia and for Aslan!”

Now you may be thinking that these are all fictional stories, but there are incredible stories of real life people facing incredible challenges, for instance who can forget the classic scene in Braveheart when William Wallace says, “Men of Scotland, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!” Or to feel the panic of being a passenger on Titanic with Rose and Jack, who went from the front of that mighty ship as “King of the world.” And honestly, hasn’t everyone who has gone on a cruise stood on the front deck and said the same thing, “I’m king of the world!” I even do it at home… “I’m king of the world,” and then Sheila says, “No you’re not, now here, take out the trash.” Well, in a few days Jack wasn’t king of the world, he was shouting “Hold onto my hand Rose, don’t let go of my hand!” How quickly a story can change from better to worse.

Yes, I love great stories, but not all stories start out ‘Happily ever after”, in fact have you ever wondered why some classic Animated Stories don’t like Mom’s?

I mean think about it … have you ever noticed how many mom’s don’t even survive the opening credits in stories like… Cinderella- dead mom. Snow White- dead mom. Little Mermaid- dead mom. Beauty and the Beast – dead mom. Pocahontas- dead mom. Even little Nemo’s mom Coral was eaten at the beginning of the story & Bambi’s mom was shot! It’s almost as if you have to have dysfunctional mother issues to be part of a children’s story. I don’t know about you but I like my mom… which of course means I’ll never be featured in an animated movie. Maybe that’s just my quirky humor…. But I know this… All great stories have common themes… they show a second chance, a new beginning… in fact, let me tell you part of my story that happened right here at Sea World …

You may have noticed that I’m carrying a pair of boots, so “let me tell you about these boots and how I never wore them in Iraq” But before I tell you more about the boots, let me go back several months when Dean O’Neal from Z88.3FM called to ask if I could speak this year… I smiled when I thought of so many connections to Sea World… some good, and some not so good…

You see, I actually auditioned – to be the emcee of the water ski show right here on this stage at Sea World back in 1983. I wasn’t what the show directors were looking for and didn’t get the job so I stayed in graduate school studying to become a Christian Counselor. Sheila and I got officially engaged at a restaurant right here at Sea World! (maybe she should have been worried about getting engaged to a guy at a theme park!) We spent our first night together after our wedding as husband and wife right here at the Renaissance Hotel overlooking Sea World, watching the fireworks and dreaming about our lives together. Oh yes, and I wore these boots for the first time here at Sea World.

These were brand new boots, so I decided to break them in by wearing them on a TFA field trip to Sea World with our son 4 years ago. Sheila said it wasn’t a good idea since the boots would likely be hot and heavy but I wanted to walk in to get them ready for an upcoming trip halfway around the world. She had no idea of what was going to happen on that field trip and neither did I. They say there is no testimony without a test… so let me tell you about the test that our family would experience that day.

You see, I had been asked by the Pentagon to go to Iraq, Afghanistan and Kuwait to work with our troops in the Middle East as a crisis counselor. The trip took a year to plan out with the Department of Defense and I needed a good pair of boots since I was going on the first trip during winter. I thought I had everything planned out to go and help the military, but what I didn’t know is that a lifetime of cholesterol was building up in my arteries, almost completely blocking 4 of them, including the LAD, or “Widow-maker” main artery of the heart.

While on that field trip I had a heart attack here at Sea World… right across this very lake! I remember the paramedics working on me that day as I was on the gurney with my chest on fire and realizing I was dying… and praying “God don’t let it end this way, please don’t let me leave yet.” If I had died that day I would have missed so much! Heidi and Garrett’s graduations, family vacations, holidays together and being right here –with you now. After the heart attack I went through a major depression and felt like such a failure since I couldn’t go and help our troops in the Middle East. I would never fly on a C-130 into what the Army calls the “Sandbox” of Iraq with words of hope or fly from base to base in Afghanistan on a Blackhawk helicopter to speak to soldiers struggling with PTSD, that wasn’t part of the story for me – and never would be. If I had the heart attack on that trip while traveling on a non-pressurized military plane I probably wouldn’t be here today. I had to give up the dream of helping our troops because for months I could hardly function so I felt like I had let those soldiers as well as my country down. I couldn’t work for months and felt like a failure because I couldn’t provide for my family financially and we had massive medical bills that wiped out our savings.

In the middle of those feelings of failure my family doctor, Rick Baxley gave me a prescription (pulling script from pocket), this prescription in fact, which basically said that it wasn’t my job to have to save the world anymore. It was like I got the children’s song backwards… I had the whole world on my shoulders, instead of accepting that God has the whole world in His hands and that he is quite capable of working all things out for His good. You remember the song right? Sing it with me… “He’s got the whole world in His hands, He’s got the whole wide world in His hands, He’s got the whole world in His hands, He’s got the whole world in His hands.” Dr. Rick guided me through the months of rehab to find health again, I’m so grateful for his investment in my life (with accountability to practice daily exercise, reading labels and mostly getting enough sleep to let my heart heal during the months of rehab.)

So many friends and family came alongside during that painful time to bring words of hope; they had no idea how much I treasured their words! Words are powerful, words are meaningful, and the most important words came from God’s voice through scripture. You see, In the Crisis I could better see Christ and His plan for my life. Did you hear that? In the Crisis it was easier to see Christ. My original plan was about helping people, but I was in control, God had a much better plan, because with Him in control I could spend more time as a husband to Sheila as a father to Heidi and Garrett and as a balanced communicator of God’s truth.

Sea World has deep meaning to me because it was on the other side of this very lake that my priorities changed. I learned that projects don’t matter, but people sure do! Work is not more important than seeing the wonder of creation and events for great causes are not as important as relationships. On one side of this lake I felt like I was in control and was working as hard as I could. Now I know that only God is in control and I can rest in His timing. Life is more than work it’s the wonder of one more day, one more day to love and to connect with others. I saw this saying on a bumper sticker once, “Don’t take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” I was taking life way too seriously and it almost killed me. I learned that deep relationship is more important than being busy trying to save the world. I don’t know if you can understand what it’s like to be on the verge of losing everything that matters, but I’ve been there and I can tell you it’s terrifying- as well as wonderful, because I learned to see just how big God is, and how incredibly good He is to faithfully provide for our daily needs. On that side of the lake I knew who God was, but on this side I have come to know Him in a whole new way.

Sea World was also the first day-trip our family went on when I could walk normally again without having to be in a wheelchair, and yes, I cried when I saw the “Believe” show for the first time, since it reminded me about how grateful I was for another chance to be with my family and make one more special memory together right here in this park full of memories- full of stories. Isn’t that what a theme park really is? A place people come to be together as a family and a special place to make positive memories which deepen the story of their lives together.

Because of God’s goodness in giving me a second chance my story isn’t over, in fact it was just beginning. I had to learn the wisdom of what Solomon taught in Proverbs 4:23… “Above all else, guard your heart, for out of your heart will flow your life story.” Maybe your have neglected your heart physically like I did, or worse, maybe you have ignored your heart emotionally and spiritually. These boots were never worn in Iraq because God had a different plan for me. God gave me a second chance at life, so my story didn’t end on the other side of this lake, because God was opening up a new chapter of life, a new beginning.

Some people say their life story feels more like a puzzle than a plan… they just can’t figure it out. My favorite thing is to help people make sense of the pieces, like this big puzzle piece I’m holding. I wish I could sit down with each of you at a Starbucks and just listen to your story, especially if it feels like a puzzle. God has carried me through many crisis events, and now I hold the ladder up for you, that’s what believers do, we help one another out of our pain to find His peace. And you have never met anyone more dedicated to seeing you walk in peace than me, I wake up excited every day looking for more ways to add value to help others. Sometimes it’s in a one on one meeting at a Panera Bread; sometimes it’s posting an inspirational quote on FaceBook or Twitter; sometimes it’s talking with Ellis and Tyler at Z88.3 FM and sometimes God surprises me with unique places to come alongside and add value to someone facing a tough time.

Because I believe that most of us are- Either in a crisis- coming out of a crisis, or buckle up buttercup – because you are headed for a crisis – it’s just a part of life. I also know it’s easier to find Christ… in the middle of a crisis and if you are in a crisis I want you to hang on because your story isn’t over, it’s just beginning. Do this, take a deep breath, let it out… (whoosh). If you can still take a breath, your story isn’t over, God still has a plan for you! That may seem impossible right now… maybe you are facing Incredible hurt and loss? Loneliness and rejection? Maybe you feel scared, broken or insecure? Maybe you are facing a major health challenge? Or dealing with shattered finances after a business failure or foreclosure? You could be silently suffering from a broken relationship? Maybe you are a single parent trying to do it all alone? And in a group this size there are probably a lot of people who are carrying secrets and shame that eat you alive.

Sort of like that scene in one of the Pirate movies when Captain Barbosa says to Elizabeth – “you best start believing in Ghost Stories Miss Turner because you’re in one.” If your story feels like a ghost story or disaster movie of epic proportions then I’ve got good news for you… God taps and picks you to face whatever you are going through today, and I know it’s hard, but I want you to know that you don’t have to face it alone! Like my friend Robbie Hiner used to sing about, “When no one cared about me, if I should live or die, and no one bothered asking why I’d go alone to cry, then I’d turn to see who was coming to join me in the way, and I’d see that it’s my Savior and I’d hear him gently say, lean on me, when you have no strength to stand, and when you feel that you’re going under, just hold tighter to my hand, lean on me, when your heart begins to bleed, ‘cause when you come to the place where I’m all you have, you’ll find I’m all you need.”

God never abandons us in our pain and He never wastes pain. And more pain means that God will give you more grace to manage the pain. I have learned, “You don’t get to pick your cross, but you do get to pick how you will carry it” repeat that with me, “You don’t get to pick your cross, but you do get to pick how you will carry it.” Is your story on track or do you believe you behind on your dreams? Like that scene in the Lion King – when Mufasa says to his son - “Simba – you are more than you have become.” Listen, tough times are what our faith is all about, and tough times aren’t new, Consider Psalm 143 – where King David was distressing about his story, he was in a battle, and I believe many of you are in a battle today, even if you can’t see it - you are at risk, listen to the words of David, who was called a man after God’s own heart…

1 LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. 2 Do not bring your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you. 3 The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead. 4 So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. 11 For your name’s sake, LORD, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. 12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.

Psalms 143 spoke to me, because it talked about a heart being under attack… and when you kill the heart you end the story. Some people have become spiritual ‘zombies’ because of how life has beat them down, they have given up on life, their heart was under attack and they didn’t even know it. David was called a man after God’s own heart during the time of the most intense pain; in the middle of the hurt, his heart grew stronger!

If life has knocked you down, if your story is in a very dark place today, I challenge you to get back up with God, because with God your story goes on and can have a new beginning. God has kept you alive for a reason and God is not mad at you!

Maybe your challenge wasn’t a heart attack, but friend your heart is under attack, even if you can’t see it! Cholesterol builds up slowly, just like discouragement and can build up and ‘kill’ your heart, kill your enthusiasm, kill the joy of your salvation

On the Other side of this lake – a heart attack changed my goals and priorities, now God has taken me back to the same place to open up a whole new chapter of life, a whole new beginning, and to open up that story with you!

I want you to press on because your story isn’t finished yet, that’s what Easter is all about because when life knocks you down to your knees, (kneel), you are in a perfect position to pray.

Easter is God’s greatest love story to rescue mankind. That Jesus Christ, led a perfect life¸ was betrayed by a friend, went through the mockery of a trial and was condemned to die on a cross. He died, he was buried and on Easter Sunday morning he arose to defeat death, which paid the penalty so that you and I could be set free… that’s the greatest story!

Has Easter changed your life? What meaning does this day bring to you?

My most meaningful Easter came 29 years ago today, while on a mission trip to Israel and having the opportunity to sing with a choir at the Garden Tomb on Easter Sunrise morning… to hear the minister shout to the crowds that morning “He is Risen!” & hear back “He is Risen Indeed!”

During the rehearsal time at the Garden Tomb in Jerusalem on the Saturday afternoon before Easter I slipped away and actually sat in the empty tomb, and prayed to God since my life wasn’t on track … I had been fired from a job, and was unemployed. I was confused and scared about the future. I remember later that same day as we drove to Caesarea on the shore of the Mediterranean Sea. I was feeling so lonely so I slipped away to sit on some rocks by the seashore, thinking about what God would do with my life. I made some decisions by the Med that Easter Sunday… I was feeling like a failure, confused, asking God about a vision for my life. I went from singing by an empty tomb that morning to asking God what do you want me to do that afternoon? And maybe today you’re facing the same question, God what do you want me to do with my life?

Sitting by myself at the water’s edge I felt God’s presence and made some life changing decisions. I decided to come home and marry my best friend, Sheila… and then since I was unemployed I had time to go to graduate school… isn’t that what you do when you don’t have a job- you go to grad school? I decided to attend Liberty University to study and become a Christian Counselor and spend my life sharing God’s truth about second chances and new beginnings. I never knew I would be sharing that defining moment with anyone but hope my story on an Easter Sunday in 1982 will help you see that God hasn’t abandoned you, and that you are not alone in this life. Because God’s plan for an unemployed and discouraged young man in the Garden Tomb was to one day be a communicator of His truth, and for these boots to be used, not in the Middle East… but rather for these boots to be used here, with you and to talk about second chances.

Remember, because of Easter God is not mad at you. Jesus died to save you, and hasn’t forgotten you… Like this note, (pulling note from pocket) that was given to me in a crowd of people at a John Maxwell conference in 1996. I know some of you must be thinking that I’m really sentimental with keeping these pieces of paper, and others of you are thinking “nope, he’s mostly mental – not senti-mental, just mental” Well, these notes have great meaning to me, let me read it, “Dwight- Everything you are looking for can be found in Jesus, in Him alone. Don’t extend your search beyond Him.” I didn’t know what that meant in 1996, it was a really tough time. I had let some people down and was at a very low point when that message challenged me that no plan is complete without Jesus Christ. He is the plan… “Jesus Christ Changed my life. Repeat that after me, “Jesus Christ Changed my life.” The Empty tomb is the path to Jesus, who would rather die than live without you. So now the challenge to become part of God's story, to not be afraid like the Bible describes the disciples on that first Easter morning. Listen to Mark 16:1-13

“1 Now when the Sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices, that they might come and anoint Him. 2 Very early in the morning, on the first day of the week, they came to the tomb when the sun had risen. 3 And they said among themselves, “Who will roll away the stone from the door of the tomb for us?” 4 But when they looked up, they saw that the stone had been rolled away—for it was very large. 5 And entering the tomb, they saw a young man clothed in a long white robe sitting on the right side; and they were alarmed. 6 But he said to them, “Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He is risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid Him. 7 But go, tell His disciples—and Peter—that He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him, as He said to you.” 8 So they went out quickly and fled from the tomb, for they trembled and were amazed. And they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid. 9 Now when He rose early on the first day of the week, He appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom He had cast seven demons. 10 She went and told those who had been with Him, as they mourned and wept. 11 And when they heard that He was alive and had been seen by her, they did not believe. 12 After that, He appeared in another form to two of them as they walked and went into the country. 13 And they went and told it to the rest, but they did not believe them either.”

Did you see the difference? The disciples didn’t believe on that first Easter, but later when they brought Jesus back into their story they went from being scared to standing strong all because of Jesus… in fact, they were never the same because of Jesus. All of the disciples except for John were martyred for their faith, and they had a new boldness, all because of Jesus. And because of Easter your story has a second chance too… you can have a new beginning. Jesus paid the price for you to have a new beginning, now what will you do with it?

Here is a final thought,

“You can’t go back in time, it’s true, but because of Jesus you can have a new beginning and make a brand new you.”

Thank you very much!