Showing posts from 2010

How To Set Boundaries & Avoid The “Holiday Blues”

By: Dwight Bain

A recent USA Today poll asked this question,

“Which best fits your holiday emotional state?”

Relaxed -18%
Joyful -31%
Stressed -27%
Depressed -24%

Why do people feel so overloaded with additional problems during the holidays? I believe the majority of the pressure they feel is from trying to live up to unrealistic expectations of a ‘perfect’ Christmas.

Remember Clark W. Griswald from the movie ‘Christmas Vacation?’ He is the laughable, but best illustration of a guy who tries to do everything right, only to have literally everything go wrong. Dysfunctional relatives, one blown bulb derailing all of the decorations, the Christmas tree goes up in flames, the turkey is dry, the check for the swimming pool is set to bounce, add in a crazy cousin kidnapping the hateful boss, while the dog destroys the house chasing a rabid squirrel and a senile senior citizen sings the national anthem; basically the whole 9 yards of Christmas chaos.

The movie makes us laugh because th…

A Line That Marks A Limit

by Deedra Hunter, LMHC & Dwight Bain, LMHC

Many in the mental health profession do not look forward to the holidays. Why? Because this time of year can create so many additional problems and pressures for people who are already feeling overloaded. Healthcare professionals get frustrated watching good people slowly drown under the incredible pressure of trying to live up to so many holiday expectations.

Depressed people feel sadder, people with addictions are often filled with more cravings, anxious people are ready to jump out of their skin, and most give up on their mental or physical health because they are just too "busy" to take care of themselves. The solution is not to ignore Thanksgiving or Christmas but rather to realize it is imperative to set holiday boundaries.

People tend to recoil at the mention of the word boundary but the simple definition is "a line that marks a limit". The depression, cravings, and anxiety worsen because those afflicted are unab…

Stuck in Survival Mode?

Managing stressful moods attached to money

By Dwight Bain

When you are one paycheck away from financial disaster it doesn’t take much to trip and fall over into the abyss of despair. News of foreclosures, downsizing and soaring bankruptcy levels only make it worse for terrified and stressed out families who often feel stuck in what I call “Survival Mode”.

When a family feels stuck in the survival mode they worry about everything. Stress comes from every side; getting enough groceries or gasoline can be a struggle, trying to figure out how to get through the challenges of making rent, trying to find enough money to turn around and pay down their growing debts. A roof over their head is one of the biggest factors because often they are forced to move from the home they have lived in for years over to more affordable temporary housing.

They have to go through major adjustments because of reduced financial resources which ripple over into areas you might not think of like family members who …

Why Strong Men Fall into Lustful Addiction

By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor

Sarah woke up from a deep sleep at 3 AM and realized that her husband wasn’t in bed, so she got up to see if he was okay. She was not prepared for what she saw next. Her husband of 27 years, who she respected as a man of integrity, was sitting in front of their home computer in some sort of “trance” while looking at the most sexually graphic pictures that she had ever seen.

Mark,” she shouted! “What are you doing?” Mark was shocked to see her, but then looked up into the confused eyes of his wife and sobbed out, “I don’t know.”

Sadly this sort of scene is played out every single day in good homes all across the country. Research shows there are over 1,000 “adult” pornographic sites added to the internet every week, which are readily available to anyone surfing the web looking for a quick sexual thrill.

Sexual addiction is a huge problem for all segments of society, including Christian circles. The Men’s group ‘Promise Keepers’ did a confid…

Difficult Relationship Recovery

Building Strength and Setting Boundaries to Solve People's Problems

By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach

Do the closest people to you bring great joy or deep pain? The answer may reveal the level of relationship connection you have with them, as well as indicate if your future together will be blessed with contentment or broken up by conflict. If you are confused about your relationships or spend too much time wondering what to do next, then you need to learn how to respond directly to the problems instead of stuffing your doubts and fears inside.

There is a verse in the Bible that teaches the importance of developing a clear plan of action to achieve a positive result, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Proverbs 15:22, NIV). This principle applies to all of life and is a reminder of the importance of allowing others to come into our life to help guide us to a path of greater success. It is my hope that you w…

Dear Daddy- Don't Get a Divorce

Dear Daddy,

God just really had it on my heart tonight to write you this letter. I recently heard this song on the radio, and I really felt like I was supposed to tell you what it meant to me. The song is called “Lead Me,” by Sanctus Real. It’s a song about a man looking at his life, and realizing it’s not everything that other people think it is, and even not what he thinks it to be. He realizes that he needs to be there to lead his whole family, and that they need him to love them, fight for them, and never leave. At the end, though, he realizes that what he needs most is to pray earnestly for God to help him…he realizes he can’t do this alone.

“I look around and see my wonderful life

Almost perfect from the outside

In picture frames I see my beautiful wife

Always smiling

But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can't

Don't leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight

That I'm still the lo…

Dear Ann Landers

I found after 19 years of marriage that my husband was having an affair. I demanded that he leave but he refused to get out and begged forgiveness.
Instead of hiring a lawyer, I asked myself some hard questions:

1. Would the children benefit emotionally and financially from a divorce?
No. Their lives would be disrupted. They would miss their father a great deal.

2. Would my career benefit from a divorce?
No. My job requires total concentration, 40-50 hours a week.

3. Would my husband’s family (elderly parents, close siblings) benefit from a divorce?
No. It would kill his mother. She believes him to be the perfect son, husband and father.

4. Do I want to change my lifestyle?

5. What is the bottom line regarding my feelings?
Wounded pride because he preferred her to me.

6. Can I live with and recover from wounded pride?

My husband and I talked at length. We agreed on two things:
1. I would never mention his affair or the woman again.
2. He would end the affair and never have another o…

A Standers Affirmation

Author Unknown

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!...I will not give up, give in, give out or give over ‘til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words…in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad…so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down ‘til the breakdown is torn down!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous…nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing, now will I seek to lower God’s standard, twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word, violate God’s covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak …

Equipping With a Cure

by John C. Maxwell

It began as headache, and quickly overtook her with fever. She was confined to bed-too weak to speak and barely able to lift a finger. Then red bumps popped up on her mouth and tongue: telltale signs of the deadly disease sweeping the continent. She despaired for her life as the bumps swelled into sores and then blistered open, leaking pus into her mouth and down her throat.

With alarming speed, a rash flared up on her face, crept down her arms, and covered her body in pimples. When awake, the minutes dragged by slowly, and she wondered if each hour was her last. At night, her fitful sleep was tormented by nightmares. Anytime her caretakers dared to come near her, they murmured amongst themselves in hushed, worried tones.

About a week-and-a-half after appearing, the boils on her skin crusted over with blood-red scabs, and the fever subsided. She was well enough to talk with her physician who assured her the worst of the sickness had passed. While grateful that death …

Reaping a Multiple Reward

By Jim Rohn, Master Coach

For every disciplined effort, there are multiple rewards. That's one of life's great arrangements. In fact, it's an extension of the biblical law that says that if you sow well, you will reap well.

Here's a unique part of the Law of Sowing and Reaping. Not only does it suggest that we'll all reap what we've sown, it also suggests that we'll reap much more. Life is full of laws that both govern and explain behaviors, but this may well be the major law we need to understand: For every disciplined effort, there are multiple rewards.

What a concept! If you render unique service, your reward will be multiplied. If you're fair and honest and patient with others, your reward will be multiplied. If you give more than you expect to receive, your reward is more than you expect. But remember: the key word here, as you might well imagine, is discipline.

Everything of value requires care, attention, and discipline. Our thoughts require discipli…