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Showing posts from March, 2009

Relationship Cancer

Understanding the psychological dynamics of domestic violence

By C. Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach


Her cries for help in the middle of the night startled us awake and when we turned on the lights and let our neighbor inside, the red welts on her arms and face shocked us even more. “How could he do this to you?” My mother asked, and all she could sob out was “He didn’t mean to do it, please don’t call the police.”

That was my first exposure to domestic violence almost 35 years ago yet I can still vividly remember the look of terror in her eyes after being beat up by her husband, (who was so out of control that he had actually pulled out a weapon to use against her). She ran for her life, but an hour later as the police were handcuffing him for transport to the jail, she was begging them to leave him alone so she could take care of him. It was a long night for everyone, but the next day it was like nothing had ever happened, because it was never di…

Surviving Major Life Crisis

10 insights to guide you through stressful events with greater strength

by: C. Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach

Life is harder than ever it seems, yet not everyone seems to be completely overwhelmed because of it. Why do some people face major life transitions like financial stress, death, divorce, health problems, job loss, or business problems with a hopeful attitude of rebuilding and recovery while others just want to hide in fear? Everyone will face times of major life crisis, but not everyone will know how to respond to move beyond the challenge today to build confidence tomorrow. Here are ten things about crisis that will help guide you through the process of managing stressful situations to come out stronger on the other side.

1) Crisis events are more common than you thinkEvery time you watch the evening news you are hearing about someone in crisis, but it doesn't really affect you as much because you probably don't know them. Acci…

Reaching Kids in Time

How powerful afterschool activities build young leaders

By: C. Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach

There is a lot of talk these days about cutting back on budgets and eliminating afterschool activities for kids. Cutting out sports, music, drama and journalism to send students home early, often to an empty house, is a bad plan for countless reasons. Greater temptations, peer pressure, gangs and just an overall sense of disconnection and loneliness for these latch key kids. Yet the greatest risk of eliminating afterschool programs is the tremendous loss of character and leadership development from being part of a team or sharing in activities that stretch their thinking and creativity.

If you don’t think afterschool activities are a big deal, then let me challenge your thinking about the future. Picture it this way. Have you ever had a little experience that impacted you in a big way? Like the little things that build up and create immediate frustration, …

The Formula for Failure and Success

by Master Coach Jim Rohn

Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. We do not fail overnight. Failure is the inevitable result of an accumulation of poor thinking and poor choices. To put it more simply, failure is nothing more than a few errors in judgment repeated every day.

Now why would someone make an error in judgment and then be so foolish as to repeat it every day? The answer is because he or she does not think that it matters.

On their own, our daily acts do not seem that important. A minor oversight, a poor decision, or a wasted hour generally doesn't result in an instant and measurable impact. More often than not, we escape from any immediate consequences of our deeds.

If we have not bothered to read a single book in the past ninety days, this lack of discipline does not seem to have any immediate impact on our lives. And since nothing drastic happened to us after the first ninety days, we repeat this error in judgment for another ninety days, and on and on it goes. Why? B…

Mean Girls

Understanding the psychological issues behind Mother/Daughter Conflict

By: Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach

Moms & daughters.
Why is it that sometimes they can’t stand to be apart- and other times they can’t stand each other? One of the most complex, challenging, confusing as well as rewarding and meaningful relationships in life can be found between mothers and their daughters. This psychological tension could occur early as early as childhood or be delayed until the teen years, and in extreme cases create problems for decades. At its worst, the friction and fights generated by these conflicts can destroy a relationship for good and even ripple into serious damage that could break a family apart.

Understanding what is causing the conflict in a home is the beginning of solving the problem. When a young woman is engaged in a battle with her mother over power and control their home can become a war-zone.

The five most common conflict styles that surf…

LeftHanded Soldiers

by Gary Eby, Author, Coach & Motivational Speaker

Lefthanded Soldiers is dedicated to all of those who have been wounded in life ... whether physically, emotionally, spiritually, or financially and yet, against all odds, have risen from the devastation to become a champion!

There are few things in life that move me like seeing someone overcome adversity. I believe that there are great men and women from all walks of life, who, because of some "event’ or series of events, have pretty much given up. Somewhere between brokenness and bitterness many have laid down their proverbial swords and surrendered.

They've been wounded. Lefthanded Soldiers teaches us that when we are wounded … when our "right arms" have been hurt … that we can become Lefthanded Soldiers rather than allowing our circumstances to condemn us to a life of "what-ifs."

How many great leaders are no longer leading? What will our society suffer because the leadership we need is somewhere hurting…

Lost in a Sea of Stress

Surviving 8 Common types of loss to feel strong again

By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach

“Lost at sea”. Words you often hear in a coastal state like Florida, but words you never want to hear because it means another sad ending to what should have just been a fun day enjoying the ocean. Sometimes there are heroic rescues at sea when the US Coast Guard can find those who have become stranded at sea, but sometimes they call off the search and scared family members know that they may never see those loved ones again.

Maybe you feel like that right now; just drifting and lost in a sea of stress. Perhaps it is financial loss, maybe job stress, or marriage and family conflicts that come at you like a tsunami of stress. Whatever the stress I want you to know that it won’t get better by itself. In fact stress tends to get worse until there is a crisis that forces you to seek help to just come and rescue you from all the pressure. If you feel this way you ar…