Friday, November 16, 2007

Teen Rebellion or Conduct Disorder? A Counseling Special Report from Dwight Bain

Likely everybody has heard about or knows a teenager or young adult who has experienced trouble with the law or who has been expelled from school or perhaps even threatened someone at school, sometimes with a weapon.  People know these teens have problems, but they may not know these behaviors can be symptoms of a very real psychiatric illness affecting approximately 9 percent of all boys and 2 percent of all girls under the age of 18 in the United States.


Rebellion-  is open opposition to authority or tradition.

Usually the word rebellion implies disobedience when there should be obedience. The ancient French word for rebel is 'rebelle,' which means "to wage war again." ~ Webster's Dictionary 


These symptoms describe what is commonly called a "conduct disorder," or "Oppositional Defiant Disorder," which is a behavioral problem characterized by uncontrolled anger, rebellion, resistance to discipline and a pattern of violating the rights of others and the laws set by society. Conduct disorders like ODD are becoming more common these days for both girls and guys, so gaining insight into these types of disruptive behaviors might be lifesaving to a teen in your life.


This is because these behaviors when left untreated don't get better by themselves, in fact they get a lot worse, even life threatening in some cases.  The more you understand about what is driving these behaviors, the more you can react in a proactive way to help a young person move from self destructive behavior to spending their energy on more productive activities, leading to becoming self-disciplined and more responsible.


Psychologists and psychiatrists generally separate disruptive disorders into two main categories:  oppositional defiant disorder and conduct disorders.  The term "Oppositional Defiant Disorder" or ODD for short, is used to describe a young person whose symptoms include uncontrolled anger, resistance to discipline, and open defiance; the teen with a conduct disorder displays these symptoms as well, but also behaves in a way that often violates the rights of others. 


If an adolescent has exhibited the following behaviors, particularly illegal activities, an evaluation with a licensed psychological professional may be the first step in bringing hope and healing to the life of a young person spiraling out of control in your home. If you are ready to take steps to turn life at your house from a war zone back into a peaceful home environment then honestly evaluate the following warning signs and symptoms.



       ►  How to Recognize Dangerous or Aggressive Teen Disorders


                        -  Loses temper frequently or shows fits of rage


                        -  Manipulates others for their own selfish pleasure


                        -  Consistently breaks rules, stays out late


                        -  Ignores authority figures or posted rules and regulations


                        -  Skips class, gets in trouble with teachers, or has been suspended                            or expelled


                        -  Lies, cheats or steals


                        -  Has broken into a home, damaged or vandalized property


                        -  Gets into frequent verbal or physical fights


-  Has threatened another person with a weapon


                        -  Has injured or killed an animal


                        -  Sets fires or shows an unusual preoccupation with setting fires


                     -  Uses cutting as a coping skill to manage hurt, pain or loss


                        -  Abuses drugs, alcohol or tobacco


                        -  Participates in aggressive, self-destructive or indiscriminate                                      sexual activity


                        -  Has discussed or attempted suicide



Dangerous Downward Spiral


Adolescents with this problem may never seem to fit into society.  They have increasing difficulty at school and with making friends.  Their frustrations and sense of isolation are often expressed as anger, first directed at parents and family, and then at peers, teachers or whoever gets in their way.  They may turn to drugs for a "high" or as an escape, but substance abuse only leads to more trouble – at home, at school, and in the community. They are literally spiraling out of control toward complete self-destruction.


Unraveling the causes…and more importantly- discovering solutions


An analysis of a teenager with a disruptive disorder of rage or rebellion begins with a complete evaluation performed by a professional therapist, psychiatrist or psychologist.  As part of identifying a diagnosis, a qualified professional will determine if any underlying conditions may have contributed to the teen's abnormal behaviors.  These include being bullied by peers, or psychiatric conditions like depression, bipolar disorder, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder or in extreme cases there can even be traits of medical conditions such as epilepsy, Tourette's Syndrome, mental retardation, schizophrenia or other brain damage from head trauma.


Environmental factors can also contribute to the development of a conduct disorder.  A traumatic event such as a death, illness, divorce or abuse, or ongoing stress such as family conflict, physical or sexual abuse or a parent with a substance abuse problem, can also make a teenager more susceptible to behavioral problems. In the last few years we've tracked a pattern showing those who have been bullied by others can develop over-aggressive behavior as a negative coping response, which leads to other problems as well.


        Rules without Relationships creates Resentment and Rebellion.

~ Josh McDowell  


Individual, family or group counseling can help stabilize this out-of-control behavior and help the teen better understand and take responsibility for their behavior, learn new coping skills to manage anger, or gain insights into how their aggressive behavior hurts other people in their life to use as a catalyst for positive change.  ODD or conduct disorders do not have to destroy your child's young adult years, but if left untreated it will steal a lot of the joy and fulfillment from their life, and from yours as a parent watching someone you love drown in their own out of control choices.


 ►Tracking the Characteristics of Teen Rebellion
___Aggressive          ___Complaining       ___Unbelieving         ___Greedy

___Resistant             ___Defensive            ___Distrustful            ___Independent

___Unbelieving         ___Defiant                 ___Hostility or resentment of authority


Once you have identified the warning signs and symptoms of rebellious behavior, you then are empowered to take positive action to change. Consider the following traits of the teen rebellion cycle to understand the most strategic places to reach out in a powerful way to the teen in your life.

Understanding Traits of the Teen Rebellion Cycle


Biblical counseling insight from June Hunt @



· Conceited—"I want what I want because I'm important."
— independent living ("I" oriented)
— pleasure seeking (temporal values)


· Calculating—"I'll do whatever it takes to get it."
— deceptive (lying, cheating, stealing)
— manipulative (using guilt tactics)


· Condemning—"You don't really care about me!"
— complaining ("You're too hard on me.")
— blame shifting ("It's all your fault.")


· Calloused—"I don't care who it hurts."
— apathetic (toward loved ones)
— resistant (toward God)


· Contemptuous—"I hate those who get in my way."
— disrespectful (irreverent, disobedient, foul language, messy room)
— rule breaking (extremes in sex, drugs, money, hostility)


· Controlling—"I won't give up what I have."
— possessive (uses power plays because of emotional insecurity)
— abusive (verbally, emotionally, physically)


No matter how bad things seem right now between you and your teenager, there is hope. God never designed for parents to go it alone in trying to raise their kids to be strong healthy young adults. If you or someone you love is battling with rebellion or a more serious conduct disorder, know that you have options to help your child move from self-destruction to self-discipline, however it's important to educate yourself with the best tools and techniques necessary to achieve a greater results and experience a better quality of life. If you get stuck helping your son or daughter past a relationship roadblock, remember that there are tremendous counseling resources to help you at ,, or .


Rebellious kids can become strong leaders, for good or otherwise. Strategically knowing what to do will help the young person in your life to get past the stress to spend their energy on building a life of early success, which is what we believe to be God's best for both you and your child.



Access over 100 free counseling articles and special reports designed to solve stress in your life by providing rapid answers to complex situations at and thanks for allowing our team to serve you.


Friday, November 02, 2007

Five Tips To Help the Shy Child

Millions of kids struggle with shyness.  They struggle in school and have difficulty with social acceptance.  As parents, you may eagerly want to help your child out of his or her shell but before you do consider these tips:


1. Don’t Label Your Child “Shy:” Your child may already be struggling with wanting to fit it and may already believe something is wrong with them.  Putting a label on their behavior or what just might be a personality trait can hurt rather than help.  Consider using other words like “cautious or discerning.”


2. Focus on Their Strengths:  Praise their positive qualities like how kind they may be to their pets or their patience with a younger sibling.  If your child is musically or artistically inclined, help them develop these talents.


3.  Encourage Your Child to Speak Up:  Include them in on family conversations and decision-making that is age-appropriate.  If is important to let your child know that his or her opinion is valued and that they have a voice.


4.  Don’t Compare Your Child to Other Children:  While you might have good intentions in saying, “Look how much your sister enjoys soccer.  Don’t you want to play to; your child might get the wrong message that your approval, love and acceptance may be based on performance and an outing attitude.  This may lead to them feeling more insecure.


5.  Encourage Your Child to Engage in Social Activities:  While a shy child should not be pushed to do this, they can be warmly encouraged to participate in activities.  Take them to activities they might have an interest in even if it is just to observe at first.  Soccer, t-ball, chess tournaments, swimming classes, and plays are just a few options.  Have them meet other kids and perhaps the adults in charge.  A certain activity may pique their interest; they might even connect with another child.


Your shy child is unique and special.  They need to feel that they are not alone in their feelings.  Let them know the famous people like Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein once struggled with shyness and that celebrities likes Brad Pitt and Carrie Underwood are considered shy in their personal lives.  Their outcome in life or success need not hinge on this aspect on their personality. Most of all they just need to know that they are accepted for who they are.  Your unconditional love may mean the most.


Written by: Lyris Bacchus Steuber, who is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who specializes in helping children and adolescents cope with divorce, family violence, abuse, grief, school problems, depression and anxiety. Access more counseling and coaching resources from The LifeWorks Group (407.647.7005) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at