The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

By: Brian Murray, LMHC “Shame is a soul eating emotion.” ― C.G. Jung Guilt and shame are a dynamic duo often found in the lives of many people. It can be experienced on many levels and often comes with the price of our overall mental well-being. There is a distinct difference between the two and often people become confused about what they are experiencing. Guilt is something that is experienced in the present. Often a person does something that may cause a feeling or regret overdoing it, feels guilty and then decides on how to proceed by either attempting to right a wrong or coming to the conclusion that their behavior is justified and drop the guilt and move on. Shame is guilt for doing, or not doing, something and then harboring that guilt over time. What happens when a person carries shame is there is something tugging at them inside to correct a situation. This internal pull begins to infiltrate every part of the person and over time it begins to cause other prob...

  By: Megan Muñoz IMH Comparison can be a sticky topic because not all comparison has an adverse effect on us. There are lighter sides to comparison when it impacts us positively. Sometimes comparing our story with others can motivate us to live more fully in our own. When we read about or watch someone move into a challenge and navigate their way through difficulties with perseverance, it can help us find the courage to face our own fears. Comparison can also help us put our own life in perspective. Sometimes comparison can be helpful to evaluate our situation with more clarity and objectivity when we get stuck inside our own thoughts, emotions and environment for too long. But there is a darker side to comparison that keeps us stuck and unable to move forward in our life. The darker side of comparison is where shame lives.  It sits just out of consciousness, shrouded in the shadows, making it difficult to recognize. When this side of comparison is activel...

By: Christine Hammond LMHC Angela and Neal had been married for ten years when the truth about her past started to surface. Neal thought she came to the United States to get a better life from her country of origin, Serbia. She told him stories of living on the streets, being physically abused by family members, and a chaotic nation with no hope for a healthy future. He believed her without ever checking her facts or even meeting any of her family members. Instead, he saw her as a wounded charming person who craved love and needed rescuing. Given her past, Neal excused away Angela’s outbursts over little and big matters thinking they would get better over time. But they did not; they escalated. The more attention Neal gave her, the more she craved. She even seemed to be jealous over the time he spent walking the dog or playing with the children. Her demands for a picture perfect family alienated her from not so perfect ADHD son who routinely got in trouble at schoo...

By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC Sometimes folks come to me and we are working on something and inevitably their past comes up. It could be about some kind of mistreatment or abuse or of some dysfunction in their past environment. And there is of course the “stuff” inside us that relates to our experience of our parents and family. And pretty often we end up landing on a person’s young adult life choices, including sexual promiscuousness. Most feel a sense of shame and guilt about those choices and don’t want to talk about it. So, I thought maybe it would help if I were to write about it and provide some insight into how to approach these past issues. I was reading recently about the prophet Jeremiah in the Old Testament of the Bible. There is a section in which he observes a potter working on making a pot. He forms a pot, but it collapses due to some weakness in the structure. But instead of the potter throwing it away and starting with new clay, he picks up the pieces and mashes them...

By: Aaron Welch     This will not be a fun article for me to write.   In fact, my heart hurts to even sit down and begin typing.   It's because I screwed up.   I mean.......I royally screwed up tonight.   If I could go somewhere and hide under a rock, I would.   Honestly, there was a moment tonight when I thought about packing a bag and just taking off to some hotel, rather than face my family.   In the past fifteen years or so, there have not been too many moments that I've been ashamed of....but tonight was one.     If you ask anyone who knows me they will tell you that one of the greatest passions of my life is being a dad.   Honestly, it's the ONE thing I've always wanted to be.....a father.   I grew up idolizing my dad and the love and support I always felt from him was an anchor for me as I moved into adulthood.   I believe God used my dad to instill in me a deep, fiery passion to invest in the lives ...

Brian M Murray, MS, IMH “Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.”                     -Spencer Johnson Is there integrity in addiction? Absolutely, that is if the addicted person is willing to admit the truth that they have a problem. Integrity is about being honest with themselves about who they are as a person. Sharing the truth about having an addiction with others is also about having integrity. Being able to express who they are with a professional licensed counselor or addictions professional can take an enormous effort. In addition to licensed professionals are support groups such as Celebrate Recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and dozens of other 12 step anonymous groups. Depending on the specific problem a person is experiencing chances are there is a recovery program for it. Often people suffering wi...

By Matt W. Sandford Last time we identified ten signs of the perfectionist. And I suggested that there are two types of perfectionists, the ones who take pride in this defining characteristic and those who feel plagued by it. Obviously, my intended audience is for those in the second category. It is my opinion that perfectionists of both categories would benefit, however, those who appreciate their perfectionism would not likely be interested, because they value their world view very highly and believe that it makes them the best they can be. In fact, they may feel as if I am trying to undermine them, to steal something that they have come to rely on. They have come to rely on their perfectionism to direct them, to propel them to achieve, to protect them from failure and mistakes. Ah-ha, I think we have uncovered the sneaky culprit! For these folks, underneath the honoring of their driving perfectionism is fear; fear of not achieving a high enough standard. And now we are tal...