The Lifeworks Group, Inc.

By: Christine Hammond LMHC William was ashamed and embarrassed. For years, he tolerated abuse from his wife yet he told no one. Knowing he would not strike back at her, she hit him, threw things at him, physically blocked him from leaving the room, and followed him when he did yelling insults. Sex was used as manipulation. If William did what she wanted, he could have sex. If not, there was no sex for months. He was so humiliated by the abuse that even when he entered therapy, he didn’t reveal what was happening. Instead, he minimized her rages as “disagreements”. But one day, after coming in with a fresh red mark on his face and looking visibly shaken by her latest outburst, he disclosed his reality. Just admitting the abuse was relieving but he had a long road ahead to recovery. All too often, the signs of domestic violence for men are dismissed. The old stereotype of an abuser being a male in a wife beater T-shirt is still alive. But in reality, abusers come f...

By: Christine Hammond LMHC Typically Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is viewed as a female disorder but it is not. Just like their female counterparts, males also have an intense and persistent fear of abandonment that permeants nearly every relationship. It could manifest in a marital or partner relationship, a father to a child relationship, or an employer to an employee relationship. Early on in life, male BPD is often confused with oppositional defiant disorder, attention deficit disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, conduct disorder, or bi-polar depression. One of the determining factors in accurately diagnosing BPD might just be that they have been previously diagnosed with most of these other disorders over the course of their life. Most male BPDs also display signs of other personality disorders. They look narcissistic when they attack others and make nearly every discussion about them. They appear anti-social in their risk-taking sexual behaviors...

And They Don’t Need any of That Wimpy Christian Stuff Either! By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH So real men do not need counseling eh? Neither are they supposed to cry when they get hurt, right? Oh, and now they are going to have to carve out their masculinity and put it on a shelf in order to seek Jesus right? I find it amazing that hero and savior Jesus Christ, the King of the universe is seen weeping in the Bible. John 11:35 reads “Jesus wept.” It’s the famously shortest verse in the Bible. Jesus is seen weeping over the loss of his friend Lazarus. This is incredible; the man that came to save the world is seen by others weeping over a friend. Wait, what is going on here? The Messiah, the Anointed One is crying? The One who was sent to redeem all of mankind is crying? Um, dial this one in, Houston, we have a problem. The One who is supposed to be the exemplar of strength is having an emotional meltdown? Okay, maybe this is a little overly dramatic but it shows us men ...

By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH Depression is one of the most commonly overlooked and misunderstood conditions that occur in men. Men experience symptoms of depression differently than women. Characteristics often found in men may not seem like depression at all but some other kind of issue that they might be experiencing. An angry mood lasting two weeks or longer is often a common symptom so the strong pervasive sadness associated with depression may be absent. It may become apparent that something is “off” by having more frequent mood swings and negativity and yet it is difficult to try and pinpoint the problem. What happens when men experience depression is they often fall into old belief patters that somehow they have to be strong and tough it out. Over time this depression begins to wear them out and they begin to look defeated and withdrawn. Sometimes the depression is anger turned inward and it becomes a catch 22 with anger leading to depression and vice versa. Over tim...

By: Brian M Murray, MS, IMH Okay men, how many times have you been accused of being angry? How many times has a person you respect such as your wife or good friend become hurt after an impulsive outburst only to feel guilty later for the outburst and come back apologizing? While anger is a natural emotion, how we handle it makes a big difference. This isn’t about long term anger problems; this is about sudden onset and short term anger that has come on in the past few months or so. I’ll address the long term stuff toward the end. Men when expressing their emotions often show them in a different ways than women. Anger in men can often be characterized as silent and distant until provoked followed by an outburst. Men when growing up often culturally learn their way in the world is to be tough and to “buck up.” Unfortunately what often happens is as an adult nothing much has changed. Men continue to “buck up” and feelings get stuffed down and suppressed without being expre...

By Chris Hammond, MS, IMH There are many definitions of marriage today with different states and churches adding their own definitions to the mix. You, like I, are each free to follow our own definition of marriage within the laws of our state. But as for me, I choose to follow the Biblical model of marriage which is a man and a woman united together in a covenant from God (Genesis 2:24). This unity is the beginning of a family unit to which children may be added in the future but it is also a departure from your family of origin. It is in its’ very nature a formation of a new relationship, a new bond, and a new unit. To better understand a Biblical marriage, some ground work needs to be laid. In His Image. Ever wonder why God created man and woman in His image (Genesis 1:27)? Could it be that He created man and woman in His image because we are to model Him here on earth? Several times Jesus tells us that we are “a light” to the world (Matthew 5:14). Our light does n...

Written by: Aaron Welch, LMHC, NCC I’m sure that many of you who are reading this would LOVE to answer the question of what makes a man do what he does. I would dare say that this is a burning question in the hearts of many of those readers who might be, well...........of another gender. Just as men often question why females act the way they do, women have to wonder why on earth the men they love handle life in the strange and mysterious ways they do. Certainly, there are many facets and underlying factors in what drives a man to pursue life in a particular manner. I mean, we’re truly not the simpletons we are painted out to be, are we? (Notice I am now writing in 1st person, as I fit into the “male” category). Actually, “simple” is the last way I would describe my fellow comrades. In being truthful, every man is different and every man is unique; each of us develop our ways of coping from a combination of natural temperament and the environmental factors we were exposed to as we deve...

The Way to Spiritual Maturity By Aaron Welch, LMHC, NCC, CSOTS Why do we prefer slavery in Egypt over following God in the wilderness? In more practical terms, why do we tend to gravitate back to former sins or unhealthy situations rather than draw near to God through the hard times of life? Why do we try to take control of life by digging our own cisterns (broken ones) instead of submitting to God and letting Him lead us through life? Why do we resist God’s way of purifying us through pain and hardship and turmoil? Instead, we often choose to do our own thing which actually delays our maturity and STILL leaves us feeling empty, lonely and beaten down. I cannot speak for the Christians abroad as God has not taken me onto the mission field at this point. However, I have lived my entire life in and around the American Church. I grew up, the son of a preacher and elder. I preached my first sermon around the age of five. I attended five years of Bible College and, later, anoth...