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Showing posts from December, 2019

The Rules of Living in a Narcissistic Family

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By: Christine Hammond, LMHC, NCC Every family has unspoken rules like: don’t wake mom when she is taking a nap, no matter what it tastes like say dad’s cooking is good, or always clean before grandma comes to the house. These guidelines are followed without question to keep the family running smoothly. However, when a narcissist is added to the mix, the rules take on more intensity. The consequences for not following the guidelines are severe such as giving a person the silent treatment for days, withholding financial resources for groceries, verbal assaults, or hour-long anger rants. No one is immune from the effects, the spouse and children are expected to adhere to the standards without question. Here are a couple of examples: Only their perspective matters. A narcissistic spouse was keeping track of his wife’s menstrual cycle, so he could manage her “crazy mood swings”. Knowing that he did this, his wife even spoke to her doctor to see if she had a menstrual disor

What Advent Can Teach Us About Peace

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By: Megan Brewer IMH During the holiday season, many people await the coming of Christmas through the observance of Advent. Advent is an ancient church tradition beginning 4 weeks before Christmas and is a season of anticipation and expectation for the coming of Christ to the world. During Advent, the themes of hope, peace, joy and love are highlighted. Observers reflect on a different theme each week and reflect upon its significance in the coming of Christ. The theme of peace is prevalent during the second week of Advent—and for the entire Christmas season for that matter—but many would describe the holiday season as anything but peaceful. Many feel the strain of the commercialized demands of shopping for presents, over-committing to parties and events, and navigating complicated and sometimes hostile family dynamics. It is surprising more people are not waiting for the holiday season to be over rather than looking towards it with hope, peace, joy, love and anticipation.

Moving Past Ugly Christmas Sweaters

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By: Dwight Bain, LMHC Did you know this is the hap-happiest time of the year for some people, but also the saddest time for others? That is because the holiday season is literally like a magnifying glass to expand the emotions a person is already experiencing. If your year has gone well, this is an incredible time of rejoicing and celebration. However, if your year has gone like it has for many people you have magnified grief, loss or loneliness. Feeling down over the holidays is normal, but can become overwhelming very quickly. The continual exposure to people who seem to be having the best time of their lives, or the television specials with picture perfect families having the best time ever can leave a person feeling empty inside. If you, or someone you love is missing the Christmas Spirit, know you are not alone. Relationship loss, job changes, or business downturns can leave someone feeling intense negative emotions. Here are five ways to move from the stress of Ugly Chri

5 Steps to Stopping Holiday Anger

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By: Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC Driving during the holidays requires a bit of patience, lots of control, and a sprinkle of endurance. As I was driving down the left side of the highway slightly faster than normal because I was late, suddenly someone cut me off.  I slammed on the breaks and skidded a bit almost hitting the concrete barrier. Although I was safe, instantly, feelings of rage emerged. Or your spouse promises they will be home by a certain time to attend a holiday party. The plans were made months in advance but your spouse doesn’t show up, answer the phone or even call. By the time they arrive home, all plans are canceled and both are angry. Anger doesn’t care what time of year it is. Just because others are joyful and excited about the holidays doesn’t mean everyone is feeling festive. Rather, many are frustrated over the change in their relationship status, sad over the loss of a loved one, or just plain depressed. Each of these can spark surprising ang

How to set Boundaries to Avoid the "Holiday Blues"

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  By: Dwight Bain, LMHC A recent USA Today poll asked this question, “Which best fits your holiday emotional state?” Relaxed   - 18% Joyful   - 31% Stressed -   27% Depressed -   24% Why do people feel so overloaded with additional problems during the holidays? I believe the majority of the pressure they feel is from trying to live up to unrealistic expectations of creating a ‘perfect’ Christmas. Remember Clark W. Griswald from the movie ‘Christmas Vacation?’ He is the laughable, but best illustration of a guy who tries to do everything right, only to have literally everything go wrong. Dysfunctional relatives, one blown bulb derailing all of the decorations, the Christmas tree goes up in flames, the turkey is dry, the check for the swimming pool is going to bounce, add in a crazy cousin kidnapping the hateful boss, while the dog destroys the house chasing a rabid squirrel and a senile senior c