Using Summer Vacation to Teach Your Kids Emotional Intelligence

By: Megan Brewer IMH

School is out, tests have been taken and it’s finally time for summer. You have fun activities planned and lined up for the family in hopes you and your kids will have an enjoyable experience over the break. We hope this will be a stress-free relaxing opportunity to enjoy the sun, fun activities and family. However, somewhere in and amongst the heat, long lines at theme parks and the switching up of routines, we end up experiencing meltdowns and short tempers instead.

So there you are, standing in yet another line at a theme park, waiting for yet another ride. You’re hot and tired. So are your kids. Mikey has been pushing the limits all day by picking on his sister Sara and talking back. Sara is starting to get tired and is more clingy than usual and agitated by Mikey’s behavior. Little emotional explosions have been occurring all day and the very thought of another one is just too much to take. Everyone begins to melt down. You find yourself emotionally activated and abrasively threatening discipline. Mikey begins to shut down, Sara tears up and you start wishing you never left the house. Not exactly the fun-filled, stress-free summer you were hoping for.

While the school months hold their own flavor of stress, so do the summer months. Even though there are added stressors of grades, social interactions and after-school activities, the school year still provides routine and structure, which helps to keep the family moving along and establishing boundaries for behavior, time and relationships. When it’s time for summer, the structure changes, boundaries get rearranged and relationships readjust.

What can we do to limit and de-escalate meltdowns for both our kids and ourselves during the summer months?

1. As the parent or adult, first start by paying attention to your own emotional tank. Learn to notice when it is getting low. As much as we enjoy being with family and friends all day experiencing a fun adventure, we still have a limited amount of resources we can utilize. This is a good opportunity to model healthy coping skills and self-care for your family. If you’ve been out in the hot sun all day, it may be a good idea to find a shady spot to cool off with some water and recharge. Kids don’t know how to set these limits or know when they’ve had too much. They learn it from us.
2. Help your kids recognize when they are nearing meltdown. Kids don’t come into the world with the ability to recognize what they need. They develop it over time as their caregiver sets healthy boundaries and helps them pay attention to what they are feeling and what they need. It may seem like Mikey has a well-thought through plan of how he is going to push you to the end of your rope during the day. In reality, he is reacting to the experiences he is having without fully understanding why he is behaving the way he is. It is easy to get upset during these times but watch for your own reactions and what they bring out in you. Chances are they may be activating part of your internal wiring that didn’t begin with your kid.  
3. Help your kids articulate what they are feeling and how they view a situation. All behavior has a purpose and happens for a reason. Kids don’t talk back, push limits or melt down because they are following some clever plan to make you crazy. There is always a reason for what they are doing. Taking time to ask intentional questions like: “When you got upset a few minutes ago, what exactly were you feeling?” or “I know it was hard to hear me say no about letting you explore alone. What are some other options we could consider that would give you the opportunity to explore in a safe way?”
4. Give kids time to transition. As adults, it is easier for us to transition from one activity to another. Kids often need more help knowing how to prepare for and navigate transitions. During the school year, kids get used to knowing what to expect since there is a more consistent schedule to anticipate. Helping kids anticipate a change in activity can help them better prepare emotionally and cognitively. For example, when it is nearing time to leave the beach and head home, help your kids prepare for the transition by letting them know they have 10 minutes left, then 5 minutes. What do they want to make sure they do one last time before they head home for the day? This not only helps them anticipate leaving the beach but gives them an opportunity to end the day well by choosing for themselves what would mean the most to them before leaving.  

The summer months have unique challenges, but they also provide us with special opportunities to help our kids and family develop healthier social, emotional and behavioral skills that will serve them well throughout the school years to come.

To schedule an appointment with Megan Brewer,

Please call our office at 407-647-7005.

www.lifeworksgroup.org