7 Stages of Healing for Those with Borderline Personality Disorder
By: Christine Hammond
LMHC
Being diagnosed with a personality
disorder can be discouraging at first. But if a person has to have one,
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is the best. Of all the disorders, BPD
has the highest rate of mindfulness and is even marked as having the ability to
fully recovery. No other personality disorder can claim such status.
The reason for this is that a person with
BPD has a heightened level of emotional awareness and expression that is very
transparent. Their ability to be instantly in-tune with their emotional
reaction allows for many therapeutic methods to successfully work on the
management aspect. In other words, there is no false façade that needs to be
broken down first like with other personality disorders. What you see is what
you get.
While the tell mark characteristics of
BPD are readily noticeable to others, it is not always as initially apparent to
a person with this disorder. But after reflection and a few steps along the
way, most persons with BPD learn to embrace their uniqueness and wear it with
pride. Here are some of those steps.
1. Denial. All initial stages of awareness begin
with a defense mechanism such as denial. It is far easier to reject a problem,
issue, death, or divorce than it is to confront it. Admitting to a disorder
requires accepting responsibility. This in turn forces a person to acknowledge
the string of broken relationships, repeated conflicts, an inability to handle
stress, and some type of work history impairment. Denial is a far easier
response in the beginning.
2. Confusion. After a while, it becomes impossible to
ignore life’s difficulties, especially when others seem to not have the same
level of daily frustration, conflict, or intensity. This leads to seeking out
help to figure out what is wrong which results in the first exposure of BPD.
Many quickly return back to dissociation as a defense mechanism. One of the
defining characteristics of a person with BPD is the ability to slip outside of
themselves during a traumatic situation. This frequently results in a temporary
memory gap which only increases the confusion.
3. Resistance. The increasing awareness of memory gaps
returns a person to learning more about BPD. But the resistance towards diagnosis
is strong because another defining characteristic is impulsivity in dangerous
situations. Accepting responsibility for a disorder coincides with accepting
responsibility for high-risk behavior. This is uncomfortable for anyone but for
a person with BPD, this can be overwhelming and traumatic. Instead it is easier
to resist the disorder and continue to blame others for the damage.
4. Anger. Persons with BPD feel emotion more
intensely than others which are especially evident in their anger outbursts.
When they can no longer resist the diagnosis, the go-to emotion is anger which
is frequently taken out on family members or anyone who tried to help along the
way. Sadly, their response leads to further isolation from others activating an
intense uncontrollable fear of abandonment. Others are confused by the pushing
away with anger followed by the pulling in when feeling abandoned. Thereby
triggering the next stage.
5. Depression. Deep sadness over feeling alone, misunderstood,
and rejected by others settles into the person with BPD. This is precisely when
another characteristic of suicidality becomes apparent. Not only is the person
with BPD just now beginning to comprehend the vast difference between the level
of intense feeling they possess in comparison to others but they are also
grasping at huge missed opportunities and relationships. The impact of their
disorder on others has hit them very hard. The period of time between
depression and acceptance is different for everyone. But the depression is
needed to spark the motivation to move forward.
6. Acceptance. This is the best of all the stages
because they are starting to open up to understanding the disorder. No longer
is it some horrible diagnosis, rather it seen as a gifting. Persons with BPD
have a unique talent to not only be aware of their emotions but also the
emotions of others. Frequently they can know a person is upset way before the
other person even realizes it. This is so useful in many occupations where it
is essential to accurately perceive another person’s feelings. Learning how to
harness this gift is part of acceptance.
7. Therapy. Now the work begins on developing coping
mechanisms for handling stress, understanding the impact of the disorder on
others, and healing from a series of traumatic events. Unfortunately this
entire pattern is frequently repeated during the therapeutic process as new insights
are obtained and consciousness of emotion is achieved. But once a person is on
the other side of the process, they function very well and most new people will
have no idea they even have this disorder.
It requires a good deal of patience from
everyone involved to successfully reach the end of the stages. But once there,
the change is beautifully dramatic.
To
schedule an appointment with Christine Hammond, please call our office at
407-647-7005.
