Breaking Out of Summertime Stress by Dwight Bain
“Life should be easier this summer, so what am I doing wrong?” Was the
hectic plea of a stressed out mom I talked to recently. She was facing what
millions of other moms go through. It’s the middle of the summer without set
schedules or routines, yet it is still one of the most stressful times of the
year. Ever wonder why extended family time away from school or work can lead to
greater conflict and tension?
First,
realize you are not in a Disney movie. Summertime is like any other season of
the year. It has a different temperature pattern, but that doesn’t mean it will
be any happier. In fact, if you are facing financial challenges it can be
harder since there are increased childcare costs, summer camp tuition fees and
more meals eaten in the car between events. The traditional school year isn’t
easy, but it is predictable, and from a budget perspective is often less
stressful than trying to keep up with the continual obligations of summer. For
people in high conflict relationships the relaxed schedule means more time to
fight. It’s like they have more fireworks in their home every day than the
fourth of July. Verbal violence is wrong no matter who starts it and extra time
with greater financial pressure can lead to a continual battle. If you are in
an abusive relationship don’t wait for it to get better – because it won’t.
Call for help now.
Second,
remember you are the parent and you set the tone for your summertime
expectations. If you try to keep up with everyone’s fabulous vacation, or
travel over to meet another family at the beach, or go to the movies to see
every summer blockbuster, or go boating with the neighbors, or attend every
barbecue and picnic you will stay broke and tired. Trying to live out the
expectations of someone on a reality TV show will only cause disappointment.
Figure out the schedule and budget you can responsibly manage during the summer
and stick to it. Breaking the bank and losing sleep to be like everyone else
will only exhaust you. Besides – everyone else is probably lying about how
fantastic their lives are, which is why they may brag so much about their
fantastic lives. If someone is constantly telling you how wonderful their life
is – it could be a cover up. Either way, live your life, within your means to
avoid the comparison game of beating someone else.
Next
meditate on the words of Jesus, who once told his disciples to “Come apart
and rest for a while.” This simple wisdom is essential to avoid summertime
stress. Finding times of peaceful rest will take you from seeking family
entertainment, (theme parks, go-cart tracks, movies, putt-putt, cruises, and
the cross-country trek to visit “Wallyworld”), to move over to a deeper and
more meaningful process of building family experiences. Face the reality that
children rarely will remember spending money on something trendy, but will
always remember catching fireflies, or making s’mores on the grill, or playing
Lego’s because a thunderstorm knocked out the electricity. Creating a family
experience involves time and creativity – not cash. But be warned, once you
experience the laughter and peace of just being together as a family without
all the distractions of expensive entertainment – you will never be able to go
back to being a group of strangers who try to avoid one another with the
latest, greatest event because active connection with the people you love
trumps passive observation of another meaningless event. One engages your
family, (think of tubing down river together – it’s not expensive, but it is
a powerful memory that creates more connection than watching the latest
Transformers film), while the other allows them to escape real family
connection.
Finally,
get back on schedule. One of the sources of summertime stress is being off your
regular routine. Sleep the same, get up at the same time, and go do free stuff,
(like story time at your public library), instead of sitting home watching
TV. There are many subtle stress producing emotions that come from sitting and
being bored, or worse, discouraged by how ‘perfect’ everyone on television
seems to have it. Stop it! Turn off continual TV and it’s temptations or
distractions, (same goes for Facebook), to get up, go out and live life
– instead of staying inside and watching others live their lives on the small
screen.
You don’t
have to stay stressed this summer – but you do have to make the decision to be
different. Start by changing your schedule to be out and about with activities
that matter. Then move forward to have real conversations with the people in
your life. This could be the best season for those you care about if you make
the decision to break out of summertime stress to push toward meaningful
relationship. Moving from relationship fireworks to relationship friendship is
a good trade- and when you make it, you will be glad you did.
Dwight
Bain is a Nationally Certified Counselor who writes on managing crisis to
create positive change. He lives in Orlando with his wife, two kids and four
cats.
Follow
him across all social media @DwightBain