Why Some People Age like a Fine Wine and Others Rot
By Chris Hammond, IMH, MS
Spend some time in a nursing home and you will come across
two very general types of elderly people: ones who are still happy and others
who are still miserable. If you listen
to their stories, both sets have had their fair share of life tragedies, health
problems, loss of loved ones, wars, disappointments, and successes. Yet one group walks away with a sense of
having lived life well despite all of the tragedies and the other with regret
despite any successes. How can this be?
Erik Erikson defines the last of his eight psychosocial development
stage as Integrity vs. Despair which begins around age sixty-five till
death. The outcome of the previous seven
stages sets the standard for this last stage in life as a person who has
progressed well in previous stages will most likely end well. When a person ages, their ability to moderate
thoughts, feelings and emotions diminishes so good habits that were formed
earlier tend to remain such as eating right, exercise and proper rest. However, if a person’s life was filled with
negative habits such as smoking, anxiety, and limited activity these habits
tend to become more exaggerated with age.
The Psychology. The end of a life brings a natural time of
reflection especially if you are no longer working or active in an
organization. A sense of “what I do
doesn’t matter anymore” sets in as “who I am as a result of what I have done”
becomes the stronger reality. Those who
are able to reflect on their life and feel a sense of accomplishment end their
life with integrity. As opposed to those
who reflect on their life and feel a sense of failure end their life with
despair.
Life with Integrity. Integrity is the ability to look back on your
life and find satisfaction, fulfillment, acceptance of both successes and
failures, and pride in a life well lived.
The outcome of integrity is wisdom in having lived life well and with it
comes a natural desire to share gained wisdom with younger adults and
children. The elder adult who has gained
integrity takes an interest in the lives of their family members, is active in
their community or church, has a variety of hobbies they enjoy, is proactive in
physically caring for themselves and doesn’t get angry over new limitations due
to age, health, and decreased cognitive functions. Many cultures outside of the U.S.A. value the
elderly and esteem them for such gained wisdom and insight in many areas of
their life.
Life with Despair. Despair occurs when you look back on life and
find regret, disappointment, wastefulness, and bitterness over missed
opportunities. The outcome of despair
can be depression, isolation, disinterest in activities they once enjoyed,
avoidance of family, and untreated medical conditions. The elder adult who despairs tends to focus
on the negative outcome of current problems, blames others for their condition
and reworks history in their favor. These
individuals often engage in addictive behavior to hide from their despair by
abusing prescription medication, alcohol or fantasy living in gambling,
excessive TV watching, and overspending money.
The Cure. Apart from Jesus Christ, there really is no
other cure that can take a life ending with despair and transform it to
integrity. Not that all Christians end
life with integrity, sadly too many fall into despair as they feel a sense that
it is too late for them to do anything or to contribute anything in a
meaningful way to others. It is really
not for another person to judge whether or not a life is useful or whether or
not it can be used in the future as only God knows the answer to these
issues. Rather as believers we are to
continue to be a light to the world until death which can be done either with
integrity or with despair. The choice is
yours.
Erik Erikson’s eight stages of psychosocial development span
the entire life of a person highlighting key struggles that each age group
meets as they grow older. At the end of
a life, it is clear which path a person has chosen as a lifetime of
successfully confronting each stage produces good fruit which age well into a
fine wine. However, if a person produces
bad fruit, it is likely to rot. So which
path will you choose towards the end?
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"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2011), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"
About the author- Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.
"Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2011), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005"
About the author- Chris Hammond is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern at LifeWorks Group w/ over 15 years of experience as a counselor, mentor & teacher for children, teenagers & adults.
