Showing posts from September, 2008

Financial Infidelity

By John Wagner, M.S.
Certified Advanced Imago Relationship Therapist

A trend that seems to be invading contemporary marriages and committed relationships more and more is what has come to be called “financial infidelity”. This type of infidelity occurs when a spouse is spending money or puts money in an area that is being kept from the other person in the relationship.

The first area that comes to mind is probably the worst type. That occurs when it is being used to engage in an extramarital affair. Not only is there a betrayal relationally but money is being used to support this affair. Often this type of infidelity leads to large sums of money being used which could have been used in the marriage.

Ruth Houston, the author of “Is He Cheating On You” says the following nine behaviors may be indicators of a spouse’s infidelity:

-Credit card statements that reflect charges for flowers, jewelry or other gift items that the spouse did not receive.

-Unauthorized or surprise withdrawals fro…

Marital Factors which can lead to Marital Failure

Financial & Career
Conflict over spending issues (unresolved spending conflict can linger for years)
Excessive debt (credit cards, late payments, IRS, low FICO, student loans…)
Excessive lifestyle (house, cars, entertainment, travel, recreational vehicles…)
Business success or failure (especially with family or home based business)
Inability to maintain stable employment (or seek job training to increase options)
Lack of income or feeling used financially by spouse who doesn’t contribute
Excessive business travel or weekend work that prevents relationship time
Workaholic or exhausted from the driven need to accomplish greater success
Married to their job instead of to their marriage partner

Anger issues (sarcasm, resentment, criticism, bitterness, passive-aggressive, etc.)
Rage, violent temper or episodes of violence (including unresolved past fights)
Stress or burnout (including chronic physical problems or stress related disorders)
Suffocating emotions (jealousy, low self-esteem, in…

Caregiver Stress

the Dangers of being a Good Samaritan

by Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach

“Don’t take life so seriously, you’ll never get out of it alive,” was the simple advice I saw on a greeting card once and it makes sense, especially when thinking about the incredible pressures placed on those in the important role of caregiver for a loved one. You’ve got to lighten up the load to prevent major burnout. Many times it’s easy to overlook just how tired, frustrated or angry someone feels when they are buried in the dozens of day to day tasks required of a primary caregiver. This special report is designed to help you spot the warning signs when you’ve done too much for too long and don’t have enough energy left in the tank to help anyone, including yourself.

There was a popular song many years ago that had the lyric, “he ain’t heavy- he’s my brother” which isn’t exactly accurate. If you are piggy-back riding your brother, sister, child or any other family member, …

“You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Anymore”

The Disconnection Stage of Love

There is a gradual movement from the romantic stage, which can last from six months to two years, to disconnection. One of the biggest illusions in our culture is that the honeymoon stage will last forever, if you just find the right partner. We begin to discover this disconnection stage through disappointment with our partner which leads to disillusionment leading to coercion and then to an impasse.
Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand sang “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Anymore” which tells the story of couples disconnecting.

You don’t bring me flowers, you don’t sing me love songs
You hardly talk to me anymore when I come through the door at the end of the day
I remember when you couldn’t wait to love me, used to hate to leave me
Now after lovin me, let I now
When its good for you and your feelin alright
Well I’ll just roll over and turn out the lights
You don’t bring me flowers anymore
It used to be …

The Four Relational Germs

By Dr. Howard Markman & Dr. Scott Stanley

Dr. Howard Markman and Dr. Scott Stanley have discovered through over 20 years of research that there are four main risk factors (germs) that can lead to divorce. In their excellent book, Fighting For Your Marriage, they share that we greatly increase our chances of staying in love and in harmony if we avoid these four negative patterns. Here are the four main "germs" that can produce too much anger and possibly lead to divorce:

1. Withdrawal during an argument.
Here one mate closes the other person out after an argument starts. For example, statements like:
"I'm not talking about that any more, it's too hurtful.""I'll just leave the house if you continue talking about this. End of discussion; it's over.""That subject is not open for discussion."

2. Escalating during an argument.
Here, the argument can get ugly. Escalation is when a person starts defending or trying to win an argument. Here…

Why You Must Read Biographies

by Ron White, best-selling author

"Don't worry boy, it will be alright. I've took this road you are walkin' down. I've been in your shoes. It is just somethin' that you have got to go through. I had this same talk with my dad."
Those were the words I heard from my dad at the age of twelve, when my heart had flushed my eyes with tears because the life of my dog was flickering out. Through the years I have taken walks down the same road with my dad and I've heard different versions of the same speech when business was tough, friendships ended or I wasn't feeling my best.

Sometimes it is nice to know that what you are going through isn't an experience unique to you. There is comfort in knowing that others have been there and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Often, when you are in the midst of the tunnel – the only thing that catches your focus is despair, discouragement and depression. Yet, it can turn your day around when someone ventures…

Moving Beyond Back to School Stress

by Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach

Summer vacation ends with the first RING of the school bell, yet for many students it's not just the end to relaxing days, it's the beginning of major change and stress. Back to school stress is a common emotional reaction that every child has to deal with from elementary through college years. Most kids transition through this adjustment within a few days to a week and settle in for the challenges of the school year ahead. However, it's getting more common to see children developing stress related disorders that affect their sleep, diet, energy and mood. In extreme cases its possible that this build up of emotional pressure can grow and lead to other problems like childhood anxiety, depression and social phobias. Thankfully there are a number of things that you can do as a parent, (or teacher) to help a child move from feeling overwhelmed by back to school stress by building in some strategies t…